Marry Chris-T-MUST

There's this one moment where you could just wish the whole world to poof..
and as times pass..
you lack the courage to tell other's that you are fine..
when the truth is.. you were feeling any better..
It felt as if your heart just beat slower day by day..
signifies that you may one day stop breathing..
and now.. here you are.. writing this during Christmas..
where it's a day joy's comes and giving is all about Christmas..
still you never stop being emotionally drift apart..
and many asked you why..
You said it's normal..
and to avoid the temptation of rotting at home..
but the truth was.. you were feeling lonely inside..
but cheerful in the outside..
you thought that by doing things and letting chores burden your time..
you could just slip away without thinking about her..
but you were wrong..
the moment you take a break..
lay your head on the sofa..
thing's started to form inside your brain.
lust is conquering your heart..
and evil is trampling over your faith..
you thought of her.,.
wondering if she's enjoying her time..
wishing the best for her..
neglects your lust to just send her a text or even called her..
You tell other it's fine.. as long as you are happy..
but deep down there..
you scream of sadness..
echoes of your voice..
trembling the very foundation you try to keep onto..
and now..
again.. here you are..
staring at the Monitor..
checking your dead empty phone screen..
wishing that she could just text you..
Merry Christmas..

Looking at the beautiful yet facinating red rose.. i approach..
and it amazed my eyes.. yet when i try plucking it..
it prick me..
but still i'm happy that i get to take a glimpse of the rose that seized my heart..
wrapped my heart around with the thorns..
i leave it as it is.. moving away and seeing it far aside..
knowing that it blossoms.. that's all could ever ask for..

Unknown...

Days and days to come..

I try not to think..

but it just seems that thinking is the only thing i'm capable of..

I made assumptions..

denied the possibility..

and asked for advised..

but all i could ever get is something simple..

yet meaningful..

Three day's of sleepless night..

made me realize that..

those nights.. i wasn't alone..

He was talking to me..

in my mind.. speaking high of his words..

he told me why doubt what you got..

when you can believe what you felt..

Love isn't what her create for us to perish upon..

he create and bless love upon us to cherish the moments we had..

but i told him...

I'm a man full of love.. yet i'm one with doubt..

I'm easy to be satisfied with..

as long as she's happy then everything is fine with me..

all i ever want to see is the smile she shone upon the world..

and the eyes that never seems to receit sadness..

yet.. lord.. i'm one man that sinned by showing the selfish side of mine..

and all he said to me was..

child.. you know what's love is..

right from the day you descended to earth..

you show love to your mother by looking into her eye's the first time..

and as you grow.. you learn that love isn't something which is kept hold in the hand..

love is something you share with everyone..

but as time pass.. doubt seems to coat your mind and your heart..

making illusions which is just illusions...

believing that those illusions appears in the reality..

you try to avoid.. and let down your head while she's there..

yet you try to look her in the eyes..

and you saw the sadness in the eyes..

believing it's your blame to be taken..

you chose to just be a shadow in the corner..

watching her..

praying for her happiness..

yet neglecting your sadness..

proudly saying that it's fine.. as long as she's happy..

Believe and you shall see.. Doubt and you will be seen..

Trust comes in no mans mind..but in one's heart..

Change!!!

Did anyone or someone try to notice that things have change..
for now i don't want anyone to know..
and in times to come..
i just gotta go..
i'm no longer the guy which talk at his desire wish..
and not the child whom speaks ill about the language anymore..
I just wanna be myself..
someone whom inspire the surrounding..
but never pollutes the ears of others..
Believing that time has move on..
and you had too move apart..
all i could do is to wave..
and pray that happiness is by your side..
and remember that i still would look from afar..
craving for the smile that melts my heart...
and the eyes that catches mine..
So for now.. I just wanna be the way i used to be..
and i'll will still have the same heart..
always open just for you to enter..
and never to close to trap you..
come as you wish
and
leave as you desire..

Thoughts..

It's been three days..
and three nights..
I'd been thinking about the same thing..
and it seems no matter how hard things were,
i still end up with the same answer..
and i even wrote out what i wanted to say..
but in the same time..
i was wondering.. should i say it in mandarin or just english..
and here i am.. saying this..
knowing that it's been way to long did my eyes met yours in such distance..
... but..

BAck at ONe!!!

I'm back.. that means...STPM is over.. and the right mood that is suppose to kick in is overjoy..
yet.. i don't feel right.. I don't know why.. 24 hours of sleepless moment.. made my mind awake but my body weak... right from this morning at 12.01a.m.. I was B.A(Barely able) to concentrate in brushing up my skills for the last paper.. Flipping through those sheets of papers.. i realize nothing was going in.. as my mind wasn't accepting all the infos.. my mind at that state of arc.. it was debating with my heart.. swinging numerous points, facts.. and nonsense as well.. my mind doesn't seem to know how to cease from bombarding my heart.. it's was like..my mind was saying that "if you love her.. why must you choose to be with her.. all this while you have been looking at her from a far distance.. and now you want to go nearer.." and my heart was whispering into my ears.. saying "why stay at the same spot.. advance forward.. gather all the courage you have left out all this year.. She's always the one.. the moment she sank me deep..she's the one"...
SO humans.. right now i'm in a damn dilemma.. you aint wanna hear ALPHA MIKE FOXTROT from me..

Regrets!!!

I can look at your picture the whole day..
and say that you made my heart stop..
but what's the point.. I wouldn't be able to turn back time and tell you..
I was really glad that you smile and laugh with everyone..
though it hurts not being able to share those moments with you,
still looking from afar is all i could ever ask for,
looking at you taking all those pictures with different people..
Your smile made it picture perfect for them..
Those people were so lucky..
and where was i..
hiding behind those pillar.. looking from afar..
being envy of the courage they have to just go and tell her that they wanted to take a picture with her..
and when i thought that's the last time i am gonna see you for the day..
I sulk myself thinking what am i..
I guy which dares to love someone,
but lack courage to tell someone..
I despise myself..
I felt like a low life scumbag..
talking to everyone..
but words starts to shut lock tight when i saw her..
then i went to aeon with all the friends i could ever wished for..
and again.. it seems i saw you from afar..
and all i did was to turn around..
making an excuse for myself to follow some of them to the toilet..
even though i already went..
what a scumbag i am..
and when loges ask her to take picture with him..
loges turn around and signal me to go..
and guess what..
I act like a dumb founded human.. ignoring it and pretending to be talking to others..
so conclusion.. I'm just another asshole on the street..
which only learns to brag like a fool,
and avoid like an asshole..
till the day i found courage..
i guess i'll leave my heart here..
and when the times comes...
the next post will be here..

-Mat-

Success is not final,

Failure is not fatal,

Courage is what counts..

-----------------------------------

I been through success and failures..
I thought that it had given me courage,
but still i lack of courage that i need now..
and this will seriously be my last post for this month till 16th of December,
And i'm just here to say 3 things..
1. I'm sorry for making those actions yesterday,
2.I'm sorry that i lack courage to take pictures with you,
3.I'm hoping that the day our eyes met.. will be the day i found courage..

All the best for the upcoming exams..
S.y.S...
W.T.L

I should still be chasing after my dream.
But someone tripped me on this narrow road that is full of bends.
I’m searching for the sky that you’ve lost sight of, 
but it’s not as if I want to return back to the “old time”
I shouldn’t put up a sorrowful act and expect people to understand that I was a victim because of it.
Sins does not end with just tears. 
I’ll always have to bear that pain.

Truth that i could sit and write about..

I'm seriously feeling like shyt..
studying doesn't really make me feel busy and kept me from thinking..
every 30 minutes.. a break would just mean time for me to start questioning myself..
did i seriously consider to just sulk and conclude that's it's all over..
I tried to..
still i didn't really know why i decided not too go on with the idea..
flashing back through the hundreds of text from you in the past February till the end of March,
ANd comparing it with now..
it seems like i got the answer from you..
maybe you just felt annoyed now..
or it's just studies you were concentrating now..
still..
i can't really just budge in and cause commotion in your life...
sign were visible,
but emotions are unnoticeable..
so now i can't text you or call you,...
but if you were to read this..
It's been the truth all this while..


"To talk about the love life i gone through, you were the only one that knows all..
but i didn't tell you one thing..
which is i did fall for you since Form 3.. and i was uncertain at first.. as you encourage me to go for her..
and if i would just given a chance to turn back time.. i would definitely go for you..
To say that you were the first.. you know i'm lying.. but i wished you want to be my only one
but i guess i'm just not suited for you anyway..
I know you read many things about her past and you thought i was related with it..
still i'm here to tell you.. I only wanna get related to you..
The world and my friends can ignore my love for you..
But if you were to join their league..
I guess tears really could cry a river out and drown my heart..
and I know that he still likes you and i don't know how you felt about it..
But i can't be a jerk to stop you from talking to him.. and be jealous about it..
If you think he's the one.. then i'm okay with it.. as long as you are happy..
But time will still flow...
and i will always wait..
But if i'm categorize in the same league as the human which disturb you previously..
then i guess it's been one sided all this while..
just know that it's been you all the time..
and if you still doubt it..
then shoot it to the ground.."

I'll be back

I guess this gonna be my last post till the end of my exams..

anyway.. i don't really prefer to talk about studies on the net,

in made me felt like i'm worst than a nerd..

maybe "NEEK" ( NErd + geEK)..

still there's one last piece of mind i want to bury here..

and in 1 month and 13 days time,

i will be back..

_________________________________________________________

If i was to choose to be with you now,

I rather not,

as i'm uncertain of the future which lies ahead,

though knowing that it's not the road i planned,

but it's best not to bring you along,

as i'm just a guy and not a god..

still i'm glad that at least i did told you,

that i love you and it reached you..

cause brain storming for the past few days,

I came out with a solution,

which is best for you( in my opinion)

and it's fine with me..

As long as you know what i felt and remember that it will always be the same,

don't feel bad if you like someone instead of me,

and be proud that you got human's which can give you the feeling i couldn't,

and be happy that you know what your heart desire..

as for me..

i'm just a guy..

a fall and fall,

knowing that it hurts falling,

still i fall for you for the last time..

but if it's fate for me to love you without being loved back,

it's okay..

as long as i told you what i felt..

i'm happy with it..

though my heart ache's of not being with you,

i still got time to just think of the possibilities that could happen,

and maybe.. just maybe it will help to lighten the pain in  the heart,

but for now..

Just remember that happiness doesn't come alone..

humans just need sadness to know what's happiness,

and love to know that you are not alone..

(I'll be Back)

-mat-

I wished!!

I just wished that i could let my feelings reach your,
My arms to grab you tight that you will never leave me,
My heart to be by your side to warmth your heart,
but i knew that i couldn't
i just wish i could faced you,
or just shout out loud,
that i really really want you so bad,
i want you to be my first valentine,
i want you to just know i love you,
not because you are beautiful i love you,
not because you are understanding i love you,
not because you are close to me i love you,
not because i am alone i love you,
not because i am desperate i love you,
it just because of you are you which made me to love you with all my heart,
and i can really felt that link coming by,
but i am afraid,
really afraid that i would not have that chance to do it,
i understand your problems,
and i take it as a priority before decing to tell you how i felt,
maybe it just really ties which form a transparent glass between us,
even knowing that i could have break the glass and cross over it,
but doing so lead to your heart and mine being stabbed with the shattered glass i broke,
that why all i could do now is to watch you from far,
knowing that watching you hurts more than being by your side...

You lied and what do you expect me to do..
tell you that i knew you lied..
or just play dumb again..
But for now..
I guess all i could do is just take a few steps backwards,
and stay the way it should be..
cause looking at the undying beauty of the skies,
still make me feel insecure,
of what it could bring forth into the atmosphere,
just like you,
no matter how much i love you,
still i felt insecure of doing so,
not knowing when you are gonna hurt me,
and leave me as i am..
so for now..
don't blame yourself or me..
blame the truth that pops out..

No matter how vast and beauty the skies are,
looking at it still makes me feel insecure,
as i don't know what the skies might bring into the atmosphere..
Just like no matter how many layers of steel plate i try to cart outside my heart,
I still feel cold and insecure in the inside,
not know when will you,
the one and only one,
able to penetrate through all those steel plate,
and leave a hole in my heart..

MIllion!!!

A million question about our life i wanted to ask,
as 7 months just flew away..
it felt like 7 years..
the pain of only being able to look,
but to refrain from speaking..
All thanks to my guts that fall of right when i need it so badly..
But now.. I try texting you..
be the first whom embrace the morning for you,
and the last to cuddle you to the bed at night..
still i hope that I could lend a shoulder for you to lean on the afternoon,
to tell me all you want me to hear...
and now.. in the night i wanna dream about you..
and yet i got smacked in the face,
knowing that i will wake up and face the reality that you are still far from me..
Though i told many that sometimes you don't need the lips to whisper the words,
cause you had a heart to send the beatings...
still i need to talk..
and i'm still stuck here..
waiting for you..
looking upon the skies..
hoping that you will drop on my laps..
like the shooting star...

= D

The skies are right above my head,
and the ground are right where my leg step foot on it,
where my friends are close to my heart,
and my enemies are closer to my fist,
but you will always be in my heart..
Only YOU!!!

What i want!!

Sometimes I just don't know what to think or rethink,
as all i could do is to talk to others and look at you,
maybe you didn't notice much about it,
yet sometimes i wish you do..
still i don't really know whether it happens or maybe it's just one of my fantasies,
cause i felt my heart falling every time my eye's met yours,
just one second of the moment could take my breath away..
and still i want more..
I was hoping that i found the guts to just talk to you,
yet i'm still worried that words would hurt you,
especially those whom came from My mouth...
And now I demand for my fingers to be a man for once,
so i could just text you and tell you how much i miss you,
instead of writing this here,
not knowing whether it would reach you or not,
whether you know i'm talking about you...
even if you did not..
still i wished for you,
to not only be in my heart,
but to be by my side..
just so i could tell you that,
i will cherish every moment you give to me,
knowing that The future is uncertain,
But my love for you is certain for as long as you could imagine...

Tonight (recompose some words)

I remember the times we spent together

on those drives,

We had a million questions

all about our lives,

and when we got together

everything felt right

I wish you were here with me

tonight

I remember the days we spent together

were not enough

and it used to feel like dreamin'

except we always woke up

Never thought not having you

here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up

I need your loving hands to come and pick me up

And every night I miss you

I can just look up

and know the stars are

holdin' you tonight..

I remember the time you told me about when you were sad

And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait

I remember the car you were last seen in

and the games we would play

All the times we spilled our laughter

and stayed out way too late

I remember the time you told me about your sadness

and how not to look back even if no one believes us

When it hurt so bad sometimes

not having you here...

It's Alway and only you...

When only love could make a way,
and sadness could cry i river,
that's the moment,
where i truly love you,
as many obstacles in the past had been laid all over,
just a simple road to you,
turns to a road full of sadness, pain and anger..
yet.. as i stop and try looking far,
and nothings seems to signify you being there..
I thought of turning back and try finding another path..
yet i was reluctant to move backwards,
and i waited..
as time pass,
the obstacles started to disappear,
one by one,
again disclosing the vast empty space i once saw,
with a long curvy road,
i saw a figure standing,
right at the end of the road,
it's shadow symbolize you,
but i'm unsure till i walk towards the shadow...
and as i walk and walk,
My leg feels numb,
My lips hunger for water,
and my stomach groaning for food..
Yet..
my heart Beating so loud.. just to tell you that i'm coming..
No matter how thirsty, exhausted and hungry i am..
for you..
nothing is important to be taken care..
till the time i hold your hand,
and put your palm on my left chest,
connecting my heart to yours,
telling you that,
I didn't choose you,
nor did you chose me,
Fate choose both of us..
and...
Only you my heart would beat faster,
and my eye's will stare upon..
Cause You are the one,
I fall in love with...

Tokoh Kokurikulum... presented to the whole UPPER 6!!!

What can i say about today..
Totally Awesome,
not only I got the Gelaran "TOKOH KOKURIKULUM"
i get to hang out with my friends..

What can i say about this achievement..
i can definitely say i didn't expect to get it,
as I'm just A FAT GUY which like to be jovial,
and when i got it..
I'm really almost broke into tears..
i never thought of getting something so grand..
So i would like to thank the WHOLE UPPER 6 batch 2010..
without them i'm nothing..
so thanks to,
1. Joannes.. without your support and the whole gang, i wouldn't be able to get the president post..
2.The football MSSD i participated wasn't to get that stupid certificate.. Cause all My Superb friends were there..
3.The whole upper six which put all their trust on me, even knowing that i'm not the leader material..
but i absolutely have fun knowing all of them..

Thanks alot People!!!

Titleless!!!

When someone tries so hard to just achieve something,
Anything will do for him,
as That particular thing he wanted to achieve,
is Everything to him,
Yet,
Now it has all resorted to Nothing,
and here he is,
telling you that to achieve something you one most,
is not impossible..
unless someone is willing to give up everything,
just to gain One thing..
which now...
That one thing seems to be drifting,
to a space,
so vast,
yet seems so close to his homeland..
_________________________________________

I try to follow what my heart say,
ignoring what possibilities my brain thought of,
believing that future is not to be wait,
but to be fought for,
Chances that comes only once in a lifetime,
and yet here i am..
telling you that i just want to give up,
and tell you that i'm not what i expect to be,
nor i'm what i can be..
but..
as i'm here now.. the present..
i look back into the past,
flipping through pages of dusty memories,
which i left on the shelve..
never thought that it would once be read,
all i could see Is your name,
but still,
i doubt what i can give in the future,
knowing that you deserve someone better,
here i am..
telling you that i guess..
that's all i can do as a guy..
hoping and wishing for a star to fall..
and never to tell you that
I Love you..
but
I know i will Lose you...

Will or WILL??

Many things had been writing,
Read by many people,
some which don't really understand,
and some which misunderstood the meaning of it,
yet it doesn't really matter,
as long as you are the one,
which i wrote for,
hoping you would understand,
the feelings i try to convoy,
regardless of how it may hurt others,
still i want you to know,
not only through words i'm doing it,
through time and actions,
which i tried,
yet.. it's the same,
i don't know whether you would be reading even one of the post i made,
and i would want to just text you the link,
but i'm afraid you would just turn away,
and i don't know what i should do,
or should try..
in order to grasp hold of you once again,
never ever wanting to let go..
For you,
I WILL!!!

Clippers!!!

What i can say is that this i basically a clipper which had been dismantle,
it may just be a clipper to many,
but to me it resemble me and you,
even if i'm there without you,
i'm incomplete.. and when we are together,
we will resemble the next picture..

Just like this picture,
we were attached together,
as though we were one,
face to face,
promises of never to let go of one another..



And the function of the clipper is to things.. so it's original form will be like this picture on the right hand side.. which resemble the initial state of our love.... and we will never know when force will be applied or released back to the original way..cause it's for us, the two of us to figure it out...

 and when force is applied to the clippers, it changes it's initial form.. just like when we took the next step and embrace the future with the love we shaped.. and there maybe arguments, conflicts, bonding, and many more situations.. But if the clipper doesn't goes back to it's usual form.. and stays like the picture on the right... I'm really afraid that it's over and that's the only situation that i never want it to happened.. that's why i will always ensure that the golden clip as the picture below will be my vow and promise that i will never let it turn into something i never want to from the start..

?.?

I can't promise you that i'm the right person for you,
cause i never had any rights to love you from the beginning,
even if i'm sure that i had feelings for you,
but i'm never sure that i would have the chance to express those feelings,
cause deep inside me,
i trust my feelings,
yet
in the same time i doubted it,
as a dream only turns reality in the bed,
not in the world which,
reality always took me aback,
that's why i can't ensure you that my heart will never leave you,
but that's one thing you can cling on,
that is my heart will always miss you..

EXAM-IN-ASIAN (EXAMINATION)

Today was such an awful day,
I barely able to breath,
P.A was like a stranger to me,
for the very first time,
i couldn't CRAP any shits into my essay,
and i was just looking at the front the whole day..
just being to look at the back of hers (Many womans i guess),
but not able to look at the face..
just to see whether she's doing fine with the paper,
and not to forget.. i barely get to see her for like year ( only 1 week and 2 days approximate)
How i wished my name wasn't jumbled up in the last few alphabetical order..
i would at least get to sit somewhere front,
where i could just look at the right hand side,
just when i lost grip of the idea i wanted to compress in the stupid text pad,
thats is just a mere fantasy,
just once is enough,
just how i wished i could lay my head on the table with my arms as the soft cushion,
and look at her just when the whole world feels like crumbling apart,
at see her facial expression changes everytime she encounters difficulty and everytime she got the answer she needed,
that's just the perfect and wonderful moment i could ever imagine,
just by looking,
time passes so fast,
as though exams are like the only way i could look at her without her noticing..
but too bad,
i'm sitting at the last row and i could only see the back,
and watch the surrounding chance,
when people started to break down and give up,
and people scribbling as though the world is gonna end..
and not to forget people sleeping,
just like how it used to be..
and that made me wonder,
why am i doing those stuff when i got a paper to finish,
but what to do..
that's life..
you can't expect to finish a paper which you only got to see for the first time,
and it's also the last time you are gonna look at it,
once the time ends,
goodbye is the only thing i could say to the papers..
so all i could say is FREEDOM for a week..
and STUDY for the last month..
muahahahaahahahaha...

What I can say...

If i can choose what i want and what i need,

I wouldn't choose you,

cause you are something which i never planned in my life planning,

or you are not something which i wrote in the wish list which is basically none..

you are just something which is already part of my life..

maybe when you read this,

your heart will shatter,

but that i wouldn't really feel sad about,

cause when your heart does shatter,

i will just be there and tell you with a smile,

that i will try mending it,

even if it couldn't be fix or placed back as what it is,

you can shatter my heart as well,

and with all the shattered pieces of ours,

together we could fix it into one,

that is if you would allow me to do so...

even if you just walk away,

knowing that you would hurt me,

i would just smile and say have a safe journey,

cause i will know that you know i'm always waiting for you,

right here,

the same spot where you left me,

and maybe if you found someone else,

you think that suits you well compare to me,

i wouldn't beg you to stay,

i would just tell you that you made the right choice,

cause maybe if you choose me,

i'll make you cry,

rather than making you smile and embrace the day,

just like the day when i first met you..

Now,

I just don't know what to do,

or to say,

cause i felt an empty space in my heart,

not knowing the reason of its occurrence,

i thought maybe i would be happy if i just stop myself from talking to you,

yet.. i don't really feel it,

and there are times i just wanted to text you,

even knowing that i promise not to do so,

and i'm afraid that you would just hate me for breaking promises,

and i don't ever want you to feel insecure being with me,

that why i choose to avoid all i could avoid,

but my eyes just doesn't seems to do so,

as sometimes i tend to look at you,

hoping that you would notice it,

and sometimes i wanted to just ask you things,

but i end up asking people around you,

and if you would just tell me what's wrong with you, 

i will just abandon the world and run to you,

but it seems to be just an unrealistic thing that never seems to happen..

now i'm just afraid,

afraid of losing you,

even though i know i shouldn't be,

still that's the only thing i could do,

is to wait for an answer,

even knowing that there would never be one...

Random 3!!!

There are times i wanna cry,
but is there a quiet place to let it all out,
There are times when i was hurt badly,
but did anything help to ease the pain i felt,
There are times i lied,
but did anyone bother to know about the truth,
There are times i kept quiet,
but did anyone notice that occurrence,
There are times when everything just seems so wrong,
but what was right in the first place,
________________________________________


I lose so many things that i lost track of its increasing count,
yet,
every time i lose something,
it's either i gain something of nothing,
but 
now... everything just seems to be worth losing,
as i gained not what i desired or wished for,
I gained what every humans need in life,
I gained a bunch of friends,
which i know that they are the one,
that would screw me if i'm wrong and tell me what to do,
and they are the one,
which put trust into the friendship we all shared,
i thought that it was the only thing i could ever get..
yet i was wrong,
it was far from what i can really conclude at first,
now,
they are like the gift from heaven,
which i believed that,
god doesn't abandon us alone in this world,
till the day we thinks that he already did...

Random 2!!!

In my life,
there are many things i want to do,
but there are things i cant do,
I once chosen to avoid those things,
but my feeling can never runaway,
just like that,
People may see that i am a man with something,
but the truth was,
I was really nothing,
I thought that to watch from a distance is just what i need,
but as i could see now,
watching you from a distance hurts more than being near with you,
As for now,
I know what my feeling are telling me,
but I cant just go according to my feelings,
Cause to love you,
the sacrifice is just too big,
Even if i get to love you,
i will end up losing you..

Random!!!

Letters are created,

so that words could be formed,

and sentences could be written,

so that feeling could be express,

in many stories which could be shared widely..

yet,

letters which i jumble,

into words,

and sentences made from those words,

to show the feelings i try to express,

with various story published,

never seems to catch your attention,

or to enlighten you.

Many read it repeatedly.

yet no one could decipher it,

cause only you could,

cause it's always about you..

still never wanting to give a chance,

to me or even to give yourself a chance,

to know what i really felt...

All i hope was to you to know it and tell me that you read it..

it's just as simple as anyone could reason with..

and even if you still reluctant to do so..

all i could do is to post more..

and wait..

for if a day could pass in the blink of an eye,

what's hundred days gonna do to me,

or even a decade..

it's will just proof that..

To love someone..

time isn't the barrier,

nor ties and differences are...

As long as both of us know that,

we have the similarities,

which we both have a heart,

to show and to accept,

the feelings,

which was given and to be given..

-mat-

Real Live Lying comedy situation

Ok.. let's start with this.. it's a superb amazing lie which my friend Friend "Y' told to my other friend which is also "Y" 's friend Friend "J"...

This happened a few months back.. i think it's around April to June... one fantastic day at the school.. or more precise after the super long and somehow boring 6 hours of schooling.. this is what happened at the school canteen at around 1.20 p.m... Me, "J" , and " Y " were talking about random stuff and suddenly " J " was saying that he/she doesn't really know about "Y" 's family background.... so without hesitation "Y" started saying that he/she has an older brother which is supposing to be super handsome and is working in Melaka that particular time.. and in the same time "Y" told that he/she also had an older sister which is beautiful in many ways.. so to my knowledge or more like data collected from "Y" after being friends with her for so long, i know that "Y" was telling "J" a lie and i expect "J" to not believe what "Y" told.. but to be amazed "J" was convinced to believe the lie as "Y" 's younger sister came and join the lying process... so this lie was brought alive by "Y" and For goodness sake "J" seriously never suspect anything...


Till... that very day where "J" was talking on the phone with Friend "S" and they were talking about "Y" sister's being sick and plan to make a visit to "Y" house.. and the best part was none of them knew "Y" 's House address.. so "J" told "S" to ask "Y" 's elder brother or sister.. and that was WHEN "S" STARTED TO LAUGH NONE STOP AS SHE FIGURED OUT THAT POOR "J" WAS TRICKED BY "Y" AND "J" FOUND OUT THAT HE LIVED WITH THE LIE FOR FEW MONTHS... SO THAT'S WHEN "J" , "S" ,FRIEND "E" AND ME DECIDED TO VISIT "Y" ALTHOUGH ALL OF US WERE LOST WHILE SEARCHING FOR "Y" HOUSE.. AND WHEN WE REACHED "Y" HOUSE "Y" WAS TAKEN ABACK WHEN "Y" EYE'S SAW A PIG IN FRONT OF "Y" HOUSE... AND THAT'S WHEN "J" STARTED ASKING ABOUT THE WHEREABOUT OF "Y" BROTHER AND SISTER.. AND ME AND "S" WAS TRYING TO CONTROL OURSELF FROM LAUGHING AS "Y" DIDN'T KNOW THAT "J" FOUND OUT ABOUT THE LIE.. AND "Y" WAS STILL DELIBERATELY CONTINUING THE LIE COMEDY WITH "J" AND I COULDN'T STAND IT ANYMORE AND DECIDED TO TELL "Y" ABOUT IT.. AND THE WHOLE SITUATION WHEN LIKE POOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THis are my friends...

MAny may had friends which differ from each other with different personality yet unique ones which made us bond as one, so this are all my unique friends which every chapter of my life, there were they to fill the empty pages of each and every chapter.. 
As you can see.. my friends maybe the same friends you have, but for me.. they aren't just friends which other define as.. they are like ohana's to me.. without them.. i wouldn't be here blogging stuff.. they are just what a guy like me need to take a step further.. and look backwards if any of them are still at the back.. that's what's friends for.. we dont look the back of them or turn around to look at them.. As friends we walk along side by side.. ensuring that each of us are they as we look left or right... making a path to an undefined future waiting ahead of us.. We may not know how it will goes and comes.. but for me, with them around.. it would be a fun one to strife through... 
Ok cut the craps.. some may not know them.. so i shall give a small intro of the characters that revolve in my life,
we start from the left..
the first fellow,
-Zhi Cong a.k.a peter chao
~he's an awesome guy with both brains and sports..
~he's gonna be the next peter chao

next to him is
-Wei Teng
~ a Superb and ideal partner is you guys are searching, yet she's is my awesome friend.. jealous right...
~ so called Miss Teaser... thank's to the factor of booming ppl and teasing them..

the first girl standing is
-Sarah ( Mei Ler )
~she's like our laughing gas..
~her laugh makes us laugh too.. a great friends which know's how to be serious when she really needs to be
~the girl which trust all of us.. even if we guys sometimes trick her..

beside her is
-Lay Yin
~I cant say much about her..but what we all know.. she's like a good girl in the outside and in the inside with different elements like hmmm... wild and likes to shout..

next to her is..
OBVIOUSLY ME...
I cant comment on myself.. it's up to ppl to comment... your comments are what i am in the reality..

and guy which you only saw his face on the table,
-Yogendra
~that's his name.. a guy which likes or tries to flirt with girls and someone which always says that he never studied at all while holding his book in front of us...
~A great person to be with... funny when he tries to crack some joke (lame's one).. and funny when we all tease him,
~ and his's the 18 years old boy!!!

And the Macha sitting in the middle with the spain jersey,
-Selva a.k.a Naga...
~ a bro that you never imagine what's his next move is, still his one of the funny guys..
~great in both foot and basket balls..
~a guy which never lie's except teasing ppl or more to tricking ppl..

and the CHinese fellow beside him
-Lee Kiong
~ someone which you could just stare at his face and that's all he needs to make you laugh..
~a person which is older than all of us.. wise and yet like typical chinese..hahaha
~but someone with leadership.. like to control us..

now i can start from the right...
The first guy there
-Shaun
~the coolest macha among us..
~the guy which love is one of his major career,
~the guy which bond all of us together as one..
~conclusion... a super awesome person..

Next
-Loges
~so called mr panjang,
~a joker which makes us laugh even if it's lame something
~a guy which is the smartest person in the whole upper six batch 2010,
~a guy which like chinese girls..


Beside him is This Awesome musician..
-Edmund
~ a person which know's how to play any kind of intrument,
~a great guy which i like the way he laugh
~a person which never disappoint all of us no matter how much we demand from him..


and next to him
-Joannes..
~the fellow which i get to know last year..he's in the same class with me
~someone which you can tell any secrets.. cause he always forget it the next day,
~someone which is good at football.. eventhough his physical appearance is PROSPEROUS..


Lastly
-Zhi Siong
~ a great guy which have nice muscular body. even though he had gained a little weight,
~a person which never utter's any English international vulgar word till that day he got pissed with someone
~a person which is definately good in basketball


This is my awesome friends which carved so many scars in my heart so that i wouldn't be able to forget them or to leave them... MY FRIENDS = OHANA