Sorry..

I'm only able to say sorry,
that's all i'm capable of,
I'm sorry for falling,
even knowing you were never gonna catch me,
I'm sorry for trying to let my feelings to reach you,
even though i know you will never try feeling it,
I'm sorry for the annoying moment i gave you,
even though you were suppose to have a great life without me,
I'm sorry for telling you that i'm really in love with you,
Even though i know that you will never love me back,
I'm sorry that i could never forget you,
even though you never try remembering me,
I'm sorry for not trying to avoid you,
Even you have been avoiding me all this while,
I'm sorry that i always trying looking at you from far,
Even though you never try noticing me there at all,
I'm sorry for trying to be your friend thou my heart longed for your love,
Even knowing that i'm just one of your toy from the very beginning,
I'm sorry for trying to stay close to you,
Even though you were trying to push me away,
I'm sorry for loving you as long as i could remember,
Even though you always forget that I love you,
And
I'm sorry to tell you that,
Even if you ever love me,
I'm sorry that i had forget how to love you,
and I lost sight of you,
since you decide to change your sympathy into a love,
for me..
Now,
I'm just sorry that I never try to reach you,
even though i tried,
that's all i could ever say,
to you,
the girl whom i once loved,
and never be loved back,
I'M SORRY...

~Emo freak~

-Mat-

This Dream!!!

This was a dream,

A dream that i never dreamed of,

A dream that felt so real yet,

Yet unreal.

This dream,

A dream that fill my life,

a boost that made me take a step,

one at a time,

slowly,

I realize that.

I want this dream to be eternal,

Yet you try giving it a life,

A life which was given and taken away,

Just in the blink of an eye.

This dream,

Which lead to a broken heart,

Torn into fabricated pieces,

Thrown into burning flames,

Leaving nothing but pain.

This dream,

Has long gone,

Leaving memories,

Memories which scars my life,

A perfect life,

Which turn so imperfect,

This dream...

~Master piece~

-Mat-

What a heart can say...

Do you think I wanna be loaded with cash,

Even if i am loaded,

Whats the big deal about it,

I still ended up with being lonely,

Do you think i really wanna be nosy in all stuff,

its just that i wanna know more of you,

By doing that,

I always wish that i could build a firm wall of relationship with you,

Do you think that i wanna be so talkative,

Its just that everytime i try not to do it,

You tend to assume that i am being troubled by something,

You say i wasn't being mature due to the fact i was talkative,

yet when i try to be one through being quiet and serious,

you slapped me hard with your facts of i'm being emotionally down,

Everytime i am facing so many things,

Deep in my heart,

I always want you to be the first to know about it,

Yet I felt or perhaps saw a wall you firmly build to avoid me from doing so,

Though you may deny the fact by saying that i have others to share with,

But those that fact really ever exist,

I may not be perfect in many aspects,

but you just can't assume that whatever actions i did at school was the real me..

Its just the mask i been holding onto for a long time,

Yet you tend to ignore it,

Even though many people say that i am a cheerful person,

Sadly but the truth is,

I never was..

Deep inside me,

i was thinking why isn't someone there,

someone which can give me a feeling or perhaps a reason for why i am here standing,

Yet..

I dunno who i am..

Did you ever knew that most of the time,

you think that i made a lie or a joke,

actually i am telling you the truth,

I dunno when or how,

But now..

My heart felt so heavy,

with all this scramble feeling of mine,

it felt like a time bomb,

sonner or later,

its will just go of like that,

and i will just say,

This is not the life i dreamed of...

~heart talk~

-Mat-

Lie..

All this while,
you know me as well as i know you,
still there's something you didn't know about me,
i kept it hidden deep inside,
the core of my heart,
never ever wanting you to reach it,
yet now,
i'm taking this risk,
risking this friendship which,
i chose to let it blossom,
blossom into the flowers of our love,
this very secret is,
"I lied to you"
I lie not only once to you,
It's most of the second i'm with you,
Do you remember the first day our eye's met,
i lied that i never fall for you,
but i did fall right after i saw you,
Do you remember when we were so close together
I lie to you that you are just someone close to my heart,
the truth was you will always be in my heart,
Do you remember the day when i called you ugly,
I lie about it so that guys will never go for you,
as you were the beauty that dazzled my life,
And last but not least,
I lie that i never thought of you as my loved one,
cause deep inside my heart,
I wished and long for you,
As hardly as you can believe,
I lie to you that you were not my cup of tea,
as part of it was true,
cause from top to toe,
You are just a normal girl,
like others..
yet your heart,
that one and only heart,
made mine to beat rapidly,
as distance from your heart is getting shorter,
what mad me heart beat,
is always you whom made you and that will never change in my heart..

~Truth~

-Mat-

World

The world which was once a world i created,
inhabited by many kind's of life forms,
form's which exist in the reality,
yet in my world,
There's one life form,
One which i tried persuading,
Demanding it to join my world,
though efforts were made,
and hardship were conquer,
it refused to join,
now.. 
it rather stay outside,
alone,
glowing by itself,
like the sun that shines my world,
and the moon which enlighten the dark,
All left right here in my world,
Friends which lives as the nobles,
Enemies which lives as the citizens,
Emotions which lives as the wildlife,
acting on its instinct,
and me,
the creator of this very world,
seeking for it which roam outside of my world,
hiding within the universe,
lingers everywhere,
just trying hard to avoid the existence of my world,
this life form,
a form which is so great,
that anyone whom felt it's ray,
that shone down to the living forms of my world,
fall and never want to stop from getting this endless feeling,
this very form..
Love..

~Emo~
-Mat-

Forgotten - part 3

"If you had forgotten about me, what's the point trying to remember again"
"you had your chance once"
"still you decide to ask for another chance"
"so should i give a chance once more to you whom turn stranger to me once again"
"so that you can let my heart bleed just for you"
upon hearing her thoughts,
all i could do was smile and i just said,
"I want to remember you in my mind, but my heart already yours to be"
"You might had given me chances in the past, and i may taken it for granted"
"but could you just grant me this last chance to treasure you once more"
"If i'm a stranger to you.. then give it to my heart.."
"it has longed for you ever since my eyes grasp a glimpse of your beauty"
"If you are afraid to bleed, then why are you trying to make mine bleed??"
thats all i could had ever say to her,
She just ran out with tears started falling once more,
leaving me lying on the bed,
without even noticing tear started forming on my eyes as she ran away..
the sun leave as the moon rise,
everything was so pitched black,
did the moon stop glowing,
or did it not glow for only me..
just suddenly,
the door knob,
a twitching sound came from it,
someone's coming??
it's already passed the visiting hours,
it couldn't be the nurse,
who could it be??
my heart was pumping rapidly for no reason,
deep in my thought,
I hope that it was her,
the dark just seems to fade,
as the door was widely opened,
i saw a figure,
it resemble her so much,
yet is it her..
sound of steps started echoing around the room,
she was moving towards me,
in darkness,
i just lost track of her,
where she had gone,
she has disappeared??
just closing my eyes for seconds,
and when i opened my eyes,
droplets of tears started dripping on my face,
her face was so close to mine,
i could see her clearly,
her eye's were so red,
it's seems she had been crying,
suddenly...


~lazy to write.. continue at part 4~
-Mat-

Hope and Wishes

In day's to come, i hope that it never arrive soon,
But still it passes too fast,
I wished that it will pass slower,
but sometimes.. that's what we call nature of the universe,
Now I just hope,
that you realize how much you are in me,
and Wished that I'm someone,
Someone in the core of you beating compartment...
Yet,
Hope seems to be hopeless,
as every time i tried giving hope to myself,
I end up getting hurt upon knowing that it's hopeless..
You never try accepting my hopes on you,
You always deny my feeling for you,
no matter how hard i try to make you notice it,
now you avoid me,
ignore me,
you were the one,
whom made me fall,
yet the one whom left me there alone,
why???
Why is it hard for you to just give me a chance,
Just one chance,
not to just show you what i felt,
but what you can feel...
Now,
I just wished that you stay far,
Far from me,
A man that turns away his feeling,
leaving nothing but instinct,
acting like a beast,
that never wanna fall,
and wished that someone will still fall,
For the Man-Beast..

love this song.. too meaningful!!!

Forgotten - part 2

All she could say was,
"I used to be someone in you heart"
"now i guess i'm just someone in front of you"
hearing that just made tears started to roll down my cheek,
"why i'm so taken aback by her sentences??"
"why is she being so sarcastic in such way"
"did i trample her felling???"
many thoughts linger in my mind and it hurts badly,
yet i try to think of the reason behind the sarcasm..
No thoughts could give me the confidence to be told to her,
so i ask her again,
"Why aren't you someone in my heart??"
"yet you could leave me with this sadness"
"Why??"
She answered,
"cause i used to be one, till the day you decide to let me leave"
"I was reluctant at first"
"yet you countlessly trample my felling"
"did you ever remember that i loved you so much"
"that i never left you till now??"
I said,
"I want to remember what we had been through all this while,"
"Yet god disallowed me to do so"
"Now my brain have no memories of yours nor mine"
"but could you give me a chance"
"A chance to remember and swear that forgetting you is the last thing i ever want"
She just stared and deeply thought,
i could see tears from her eyes,
she's holding it back,
she's so afraid to let me see,
she's just lost the comfort to be with me,
all she could reply was,




~to be continued again in part 3~
-Mat-

Forgotten - part 1

When i fall so badly,

not only my heart shattered,

I felt my brain shaking so badly,

till i lost conscious,

as a regain consciousness,

everything look so bright,

lights emitting lights into my eyes,

it was so glaring that i thought of heaven which i had landed on,

yet,

i heard voices echoing,

many voices,

many souls,

calling for someone's name,

name which was familiar to my eardrum,

as i slowly open my eye's after the glaring seconds,

i saw faces,

faces which made my head started to inflict tremendous pain,

it was so pain till i shouted them to leave,

and i lost conscious again,

and this time i woke up with no one but a girl,

this girl,

sitting alone at the corner,

i could hear mild sobbing sound from her,

"Why is she crying in the corner"

that was what i thought,

i tried to raise my hand,

but nothing was moving,

i felt numb,

i try asking her,

yet my voice couldn't reach her,

my voice was just too soft,

too soft that her sobbing covered it up..

suddenly,

the crying just stop,

and as i look at her,

she started looking at me,

without knowing why, my heart felt an ache,

i wonder why...

who is this girl to me??

she started approaching me,

all i could do is anticipate her actions,

as she was right in front of me,

just so near that i could hear her pumping heart,

beating rapidly just as mine,

i ask her softly,

who are you,

and

why do my heart beats for you...

all she could say was...

~to be continued~

-part 2 tomorrow-

-Mat-

Tried..

I tried reasoning,
but you wasn't listening,
I try explaining,
but you were obsessed with what you concluded with,
I tried telling you the truth,
yet it hurt's you so much that i just kept silence,
I tried giving clue's,
yet you never seem to notice it,
I tried hard to reach you,
yet you move apart from me,
I tried to forget you,
yet image of you pop up in my mind,
I try to let go,
yet you still try to cling onto it,
I try to walk away and never look back,
yet you screamed and tries to blackmail me,
I try to avoid you,
yet you come to me to assure my feelings for you.


Now,


You try reasoning with me,
and here i am listening to you,
You explained to me,
and i waited till its ends and conclude,
You told me the truth,
and i told you my part of the truth,
You gave me countless clues,
i tried sorting it out without a clue,
You reached me,
yet i never stop to come for you,
You try forgetting me,
but i'll always remind and remember you,
You want to let go,
I just stand and tell you,
" If you try avoiding me, don't cause your heart is mine to treasure,"
"Cause I can't say I love you"
"When I already had"
"I can't leave you,"
"Cause I'm Your's"
"And can you try Loving me"
"Cause I tried once"
"and"
"I'M LOVIN IT"

Some-days,

Yesterday was memorable,

Today was expectable,

yet tomorrow seems unnoticeable,

i breath everyday,

but can i choose to stop for a day,

obviously no..

Now all i'm doing is just sitting down,

hoping that there's something to be done,

or is it i'm done for..

nobodies really know what's gonna come and go..

so whatever goes.. just let it go,

and whatever comes.. just accept it..

it's part of life..

as i love to say this.. what's goes around comes around..

all i could do is just look at the skies,

hoping there's really a sliver lining behind the clouds,

hoping that you may be the right one for me,

not saying that you must be,

but what the almighty one set for me and each person he had brought to the surface of earth,

he will never forgets them and leave them as they be,

God will make sure he guide us step by step,

setting challenges along the pathway,

so that we learn,

that nothing comes easy,

we need to work for it,

fight for it,

and never give up..

that is always what made me ME,

so that Someday..

i know i'm ready to soar the skies high above me,

and never forget the soil i'm walking on now..

cause

The stones which tries to crush me this very day will be my pavement to the road of no limitation...

and in the very end of the road will lead me to the platform for me to soar above the skies..

-Woot-

-Mat-

Remembrance

Do you remember,
the day we decided to surfaced to earth,
the second we inhaled the first freshest air we could ever recall,
the moment we scream of joy for redeeming freedom we been waiting for 9 months,
and as we go on.. 
i learn to look up high at the skies,
hoping that when i grow older, i would soar among the skies,
now here we are,
living in the world we had decide in the first place,
the adrenaline that we hope for,
just turn out to be different,
the hope we put on,
just seems to be the dream we dreamed of,
I did not blame the decision i made,
even there's the pain i felt in me,
or the happiness which i longed for,
still that's what made me learn 
and never forget the moments,
moments which sounded lively with,
each pain that inflict me,
made me notice how much it bleeds just to accept the pain,
and the happiness that i had encounter,
just show how much time passed,
there nothing much left to say,
i decided to live with what i had,
no because its the only thing i had,
cause its always the same thing i'm gonna get..

-Life-
-Mat-

SoM3+1me$

To gain one thing i longed for,
I had to let go of many thing..
Finally when i got that one thing.. 
Now here i am.. 
letting go of the only thing i wished i never had to.. 
and best of all.. 
i lost everything.. 
and i felt nothing, 
cause you gave me something,
which someone like me never deserve to get..
something so great,
that i lost grip of it,
and it's just fall,
without trying to defy gravity,
as it touches the the very foundation i build just for it,
sounds of shattering pieces,
screeching the foundation,
leaving nothing but sounds of unison pain..
trembling and sending sound waves..
to the ear of a broken hearted man,
standing there,
watching the shattered pieces,
pondering alone in the long winding road..
Never to seek the thing which is hard to gain but easy to lose anymore...


-felt-
-Mat-

What's there??

Everyday signify something,
but something it doesn't really make sense why it does,
many may not be satisfied with what they had gone through everyday,
but to me as a day pass,
i'm glad that courage made to to be in that day,
and being able to see another day pass,
it may seem to be a normal thing for some people,
but think about it, does everyone goes through the same thing you had gone through,
Obviously no..
thats why there may be some people whom conclude their day as awesome,
but your's or mine to may vary as you are you and i'm always me,
those details doesn't really matter as all you got to know is,
a day pass not because you want it to pass,
it passed just in a blink of an eye cause you do what you where destined to do at that particular day..
Thats why.. be happy with what you done even though it isn't really what you expect to do..

-peace out-
-Mat-

Why!!!

Why is it just so hard to do something I want?

I didn't say that I wanna turn bad,

Nor did i say that I wanna be a Jerk,

All I wanted to do is to be myself
Is this simple request just hard for you to accept?

Why can't you just accept who I really am?

Is it just to hard to face the reality,

Or you just can't stop making a fool out of me,

I am just too tired pretending who I'm not for a long time,

Are you happy Being the only one wearing a mask while others perished,

I'm not you, and I don't wanna be you,

I just wanna meet someone who can accept me for who i am,

Not just for what I done in the past but in the present or the future,

Thats was the only thing I regretted for not being able to realize in the past,

But for now.. 

I'm just a guy, a guy wearing a mask,

Wanting to take it off,

Though I know i don't have the will to do so,

I will look forward till that day come,

where i can undo this mask and be who i am..

One Day..............

Will that Day come?