Your Satisfaction or MINE!!!

I was once naive thinking that i could satisfy everyone's need.
Yet during form 6 I realize that this is but a fool's job to be done with,
and yet there's still a desire in me to help others..
Till that day when he told me this
"Do you think you are happy satisfying everyone's need while neglecting yours"
"Do you think that they will appreciate what you had done for them"
"You should be grateful that your help does not turn out to be an sore eye to them"
"Think about it.. did you really feel happy helping out"
"or most of the times you just think that you are but a burden to them"
"You are brought down to earth not to write story line of how other live"
"You are the writer of your own life"
Till today I remember those words..
It was meaningful.. yet painful in the same time..
As time pass I could say I live for myself for the first time..
Till I enter University...
Things were different..
There were many lost souls..
This happen around their surrounding is like a new thing to tackle with..
Yet for me it's like the old same scenes during form 6..
And once again I tried helping.. But it end up with me being helpless..
So still I chose to go with this..
I Live not to Satisfy your needs..
But mine..
As I'm the writer of my life and I decide how things goes on..
And sadly i got to tell you that You were just a side character in my write up..
No matter how things goes.. Band 6 will always be in the story..
As without them..
What would I be today..
Thanks for showing me to whats reality and
for giving me something I never thought of getting in this lifespan...

6th of December...

What today bring forth is another's days past..
everyday we are creating another page to enter our diary of the past..

My diary had been so interesting that  3 days and 3 nights of talking about it wont get it done..

So instead of looking back to the past..

I decided to look forward to another mysterious day which is the 7th..

Uni life may be hectic in a way with assignments and finals to prepare..

Yet no matter how hectic it is... 

there's always time to lean back and think about what could happen tomorrow..

yet.. It is strange that sometimes things dont go my way..

Or rather there's aways a turbulence suddenly without any notification..

it is past 1 in the afternoon..

And it will start to be hectic again later till night..

I seek not for the will to stay alive..

but the will to encounter whats coming soon..

p.s. -*Protect her and if there's a need to reverse the karma.. pls do so on me

It's just how it is suppose to be..

What is the point having a dozen stars to look upon the gloomy night at labuan,
When all I remember is the one and only one of the brightest star in klang,
Sometimes it is just hard to tell someone or the one whom you wish your heart could whisper to their,
It seriously feel sad when all i'm trying to do is to avoid people from regretting on the decision that they shouldn't had make..
It always remind me of the past..
which i want to get rid of but with no choice to live on with it,
I'm still thinking sometimes,
wondering are you thinking the same thing as i am,
are you still dwelling on the past,
Maybe both of us just decide to move on,
to know that love is not the only thing required in life, but fate is what determine most..
For now..
I'm just wishing that one day.. God would just give me a chance to protect the one whom i treasure most,
and hope that she knows that all said and done, it just sincerity that matters most..

Now and the past

When I look back into my previous post which accumulates to about 100 post..
I was laughing so hard at how I used to be.. It made me thought of what I had done since I started blogging during form 6...
Time do fly fast.. but still the past did not fly away.. I still can remember clearly what happen in those days,
Me being naive of loving someone so deep and just asking in return to be loved,
Me being lucky to have awesome friends which till now they are like my family,
Me being stupid for enjoying life and taking my studies for granted..
and Lastly, I realized one important which is I ask God a few request.. and indeed he did answered me..
Not immediately but it happen eventually.. all my request came through.. and he show me what my eyes could not see at first..

But now when I enter University.. there are a few individual whom spoke of their opinion of going to University is too enjoy,
and I was like pissed off with their thoughts as I know the feeling of being in the border or nothingness.
Almost losing everything due to the fact of enjoying too much instead of pursuing for my future..
and In University.. everything is different.. An average guy like me at Klang is Seriously(not joking) just an average guy.. but when it comes to being in uni... they thought i was like a smart ass.. but i wasn't...
and they thought I'm a nice guy which will help out anytime, any subject..
HELL NO!!!
Cause during the form 6 life, I learn that in some manner you gotta be acting selfish and dumb.. Cause it is seriously for your own good.. But for my awesome friends( you ppl know who i'm talking about)... I can pick the moon and seriously talk to it for you guys,
I could ramp a rampaging bull and say come on.. it's just a cow..
and I could even tell you how much i love you guys and show that i mean it in every part of my heart.. Not just bottom..
But the center of my heart is still left for the one and only woman.. so don't get jealous.. hahahaha

1 month

It's officially a month since I enter University,
Yesterday was the 5th.. it was like the time I left Klang..
It's just to fast to be true,
On the 4th.. I still remember that I woke up at 5 something,
Just to have one last Breakfast Meal with Joannes,Edmund,Lee Kiong and Sarah..
As Edmund always mention that I have never fetch him.. so that made me fetch him One last time
I reach his house Sharp at 6 in the morning and in order to achieve that a broke a few traffic rules..
and he Just finish bathing with a towel covering his lower body coming out to the gate to let me in..
It was epic.. haha.. and later after breakfast we all Went to loges's house to see him one last time
and he just woke up..
Man those memories were priceless..
And In 3 more months i'll be back..

20 years had past,
Memories been carved to many ,
Yet Memoirs of you guys remain deep in my heart..

When things Move on...

If I knew University life is going to make each one of us so busy,
During the last eight months together I wish I could have spend more time with you guys,
To just tell you guys how much you were too me,
It's easy to make new friends..
But it's hard to get Friends like you guys once in a lifetime,
Pursuing a degree may have given me a better option in life,
Yet knowing you guys been the best option given to me in this whole 20 years of life,
I was a fool to tell myself it's okay going somewhere far to further my studies,
It's freedom after all..
Yet three weeks have past just like that without you guys,
I tremble in loneliness,
I fear that I might just give up and return to the place where I truly belong,
But every time seeing those wall posts on each of you guys wall,
I was really glad that you guys enjoy Uni,
And it made me to not want to give up what I work so hard till now,
Some of you guys might think I'm nuisance for not setting my priorities right..
I know family are important..
I wish i could just tell you all face to face that I never told you that I lied telling you all that I prioritize Friends first rather than My family..
The truth was You been part of my family since we started to venture through hardship and enjoyment together during Form 6..
And about the girlfriend part.. I moved on and I really want to focus more on you guys as it's hard to tell when I got one in the near future and I don't want to choose to neglect either one side..

If I could exchange my life for anything,
All I ask is another nine months of memories with you guys..

Just so you know..

I wish I could be brave once more..
To tell myself to move on,
To reassure what I really want,
To tell you that I'm ready,
But everytime I try moving on,
My heart stops a beat,
Unsure of what it really want,
I end up waiting right at the same spot,
The very one which you left me,
With hopes the star will shine,
You darken the life of what used to shine..

If you knew...

A sentence from me may seem to be a joke to you..

Yet did you every really tried listening once..

That all I tried to do is to reach your heart..
To really tell you once that I mean it..

And all I need is one chance to prove it to you..
But now.. you are far away from me..
So far that the mountain is higher than i could imagine,

The Sea became so vast that all I saw was the blue sea and the clear sky..
till death do us apart..

Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand,

And the Mountain touches heaven,
my love for you is eternal..

This Moment

There are some moment which I want to indulge into again and again..

Yet sometime when I'm far away from the place I belong..

I miss Home,

I miss those unforgettable 9 months of memories with them..

Painful sometimes

I tried telling myself that if I quit now.. what was for the 20 years I've been doing..

Yet.. in times of loneliness..

All I do was to relight those fond memories of you guys..

Kept on watching the Video we took for Jo's birthday..

It made me feel that you guys were really talking to me..

Each one of your voices..
made tears to start rolling down my cheek..
Made me feel like all this while nothing could have been better,
As bold as I said leaving Klang was for Freedom..
I end up Missing the feeling of being there..
I miss my parents asking me to do this and that..
Band 6 which we all went out occasionally..
I miss Klang Lifestyle..
I miss the old me which anywhere I go.. there's at least a group of people to associate with..
Now I'm here telling you that I'm alone..
And never would ever to be in that state..
it feels horrible..
No one to Nag me about my doings..
No one to talk to randomly..
No one to snatch stuff with..
It sucks..

True Friends

True friends...
I thought I had those right from the start on realizing reality..
But till what happen on the start on the 12th of August till the 15th of August year 2011...
I realize that they were truly friends of mine..
Friends which even when the moon turns blue..
it will still be the same..
We fought..
We had our differences
We too never forgets about the similarities that bonds us strongly..
It was comfortable..
More than a bolster or a pillow could give..
We never take those comfort for granted..
As each one of them is a wish granted upon wishing by the passing of a shooting star...
As bright as they shine..
They always found their way to cheer things up..
To lighten up the dim room..
To tell us no matter how bad the situation goes bad..
They will never turn their back and walk away..
These are the Friends I had..
The ones which I am thankful of being part of them
The ones which I know in years to come..
There's only one sentence which will will speak of..
No matter how far we are apart..
" TILL DEATH DO US APART "
we are one.. and one we will move as..

With love,
I had memories of each one of you,
Not in the brain that stores informations,
But the Heart which remembers each one of them.

Did you... (Incomplete)

Did you ever feel that you done too much that you feel yourself undone..
You put so much hope in things which it all sort of end up to be hopeless..
You tried so hard not to cry on the effort you made..
Yet Effort made seems to just lead you to tears..
You tried to have faith that it one of those blessing in disguise..
Knowing that yourself doubted it..
As it was never a blessing in disguise..
But a dismay in reality..
You thought by just putting effort and hope alone will pull through things..
You thought that the naivety of yours will apply in reality..
You really thought tears are worth of what people use to call priceless..
THAT was what you thought..
and That was what I used to be as well..
I endlessly thought if I did put it some effort.. good result will show..
I once told myself that if I loved someone from the bottom of the heart..
She too will do the same..
Yet.. that's just another 1 in a million of those naive thought I was bounded by..
And still when I gave up on trying to really love someone...
I tried giving a go in attaining true friendship..
I tried to blend in with a society stranger to me..
I change to be seen fit as part of them..
Yet I was just another puppet of theirs to string upon the play..
Now I tried to be what I used to be..
and when i'm on my way..
you just have to say i'm weird..
but thanks to that..
I found him..

Tearless...

When I try to grasp hold of something dear..
and It all end up with nothing but the sounds of the flapping hands of mine..
It made me want to cry...
I tried so hard to stay strong and to have faith that you one day will feel the warmth hand of mine..
and yet all i did was to leave with a cold heart..
Frozen upon endless silent tears from the heart..
I act as everything was fine..
while.. the truth was..
I couldn't find any reasons to be fine..
and as time pass..
I even lost the tears Ionce shed for you..
I felt really sad deep inside..
Yet tears would not roll down my cheek..
It feels like sadness yet despair..
and now..
All i had left is this frozen heart you left behind..
and this hands which no longer find will in grasping for something dear..
and perhaps you would no longer know about it..
as our paths diverges..
Just like how our story tore upon learning that only fairy tales have happy ending..

Once a White paper..
Inked with Passion..
Scribble with Imperfection..
Ruined by Distortions.
Ended as a Dust..

I knew!!!

I always knew that the past means a lot to me..
That's why there are time which i just want to remain where I was..
It was beautiful... and perfect in many ways
but i tried reminding myself that perfection is not about seeking to be perfect..
but to know what's imperfection and live with it..
I fail as you can see..
But now it's different..
because of the past I'm helpless in many situation.. I try to ignore the present and to obstruct the future..
All i did was too be selfish.. too selfish that I lost track of what's important and what's not..
Till the storm ends and the sea calms itself..
Till the days to come..
All I could say..
I knew you came..
Yet I too knew that you would leave one day..
I Knew...
that I was alone with our without you...

Highway!!!

I used to love going on a high speed chase..
But when i saw you waving by the highway..
I kinda try stopping by the side..
and i thought maybe i should just ask you whether you needed a ride..
But how irony could it really be..
Before i even got the chance to ask..
I was hit from the back..
Simultaneously the pain receptor's info gushed up to my pain..
Leading to a pain which no words could describe..
in the end.. you just watch and pretend as this incident never occur..
That's what made me to go with the safe side of the road..
Never again shall i try for a high speed chase..

Is it as easy As.. "A","B"ack,"C"hange"(A,B,C)

It's always easy to utter the word Change..
and there's no doubt in writing the word..
but to just execute the meaning of the word..
That's just not that easy..
Too just think about the possibilities that may offer in return..
There's too many..
and yet too scary in the same time..
But the truth was..
without even noticing..
I was already different from whom i used to be..
And now.. It's hard to just change back..
To be once whom i was..
a guy which ask for nothing in return..
to be known that he's just a guy..
which utter lesser words..
which doesn't really wants to be nosy in stuff..
Which only ask for one true friend..
That's too simple to be asked..
or rather.. too simple to turn things complicated..
As how the present he lived in now..
Is it....

本当に友人？？

Friends,
Is it was I hoped for,
or is it what you desired,
You chose to open that door,
the door to our friendship,
Yet i'm afraid of entering it,
though I gained access to every room in your heart,
there's still one room,
that room which you locked it away from me,
afraid that my presence in the room,
afraid of the destruction of what we hold upon all this while,
I tried reasoning,
I tried reaching you,
yet,
you remain silence,
not wanting anything to be answered,
leaving me in questions,
questioning myself,
whether should just accept your motives
or should i risk our friendship,
that thin fine transparent glass,
resembling our friendship,
so thin that even a molecular friction could shatter it..
and at the End..
All i did was to walk away..
leaving that thin glass there..
Knowing right from the very beginning..
You never wanted it to shatter at all..

I guessed so!!

Being Alone sometimes doesn't really felt like what a lone man would..
Seeing couples being together.. doesn't really makes me want to get together with someone..
All i could come out with is..
He's lucky..
Or maybe he does what he needs to and gets what he wants too..
If life is liking choosing between two options..
What's life is gonna speak of..
We may fall.. but one day we just gotta stand up..
No one's gonna pity any guy that falls but doesn't wanna stand up..
All they ever do is to stare and walk away..
Cause you never revolve around them..
as you chose to stick with the center of the point..
Seeking for attention..
Wanting to be heard of..
End ups with nothing but a speck of dusty situations..

For all that had done and happen..
It just a bad dream to begin with..
and the reality to face in the end of it...

A Letter from the Past!!!

If i can choose what i want and what i need,
I wouldn't choose you,
cause you are something which i never planned in my life planning,
or you are not something which i wrote in the wish list which is basically none..
you are just something which is already part of my life..
maybe when you read this,
your heart will shatter,
but that i wouldn't really feel sad about,
cause when your heart does shatter,
i will just be there and tell you with a smile,
that i will try mending it,
even if it couldn't be fix or placed back as what it is,
you can shatter my heart as well,
and with all the shattered pieces of ours,
together we could fix it into one,
that is if you would allow me to do so...
even if you just walk away,
knowing that you would hurt me,
i would just smile and say have a safe journey,
cause i will know that you know i'm always waiting for you,
right here,
the same spot where you left me,
and maybe if you found someone else,
you think that suits you well compare to me,
i wouldn't beg you to stay,
i would just tell you that you made the right choice,
cause maybe if you choose me,
i'll make you cry,
rather than making you smile and embrace the day,
just like the day when i first met you..
Now,
I just don't know what to do,
or to say,
cause i felt an empty space in my heart,
not knowing the reason of its occurrence,
i thought maybe i would be happy if i just stop myself from talking to you,
yet.. i don't really feel it,
and there are times i just wanted to text you,
even knowing that i promise not to do so,
and i'm afraid that you would just hate me for breaking promises,
and i don't ever want you to feel insecure being with me,
that why i choose to avoid all i could avoid,
but my eyes just doesn't seems to do so,
as sometimes i tend to look at you,
hoping that you would notice it,
and sometimes i wanted to just ask you things,
but i end up asking people around you,
and if you would just tell me what's wrong with you, 
i will just abandon the world and run to you,
but it seems to be just an unrealistic thing that never seems to happen..
now i'm just afraid,
afraid of losing you,
even though i know i shouldn't be,
still that's the only thing i could do,
is to wait for an answer,
even knowing that there would never be one...

Who's Will

If everyone is meant to be brave all the time..
Who's ever gonna understand what sadness really spoke of..
Who's gonna grieve for the lost of someone precious..
Who's gonna shed tears for the one they care most..
For all that had been done and unreversible at all...
Time past yet things seems to never past..
Will one ever learn about the limits on trampling others feeling..
Will one ever know what sadness really means..
Will anyone ever knows that no man in this world is born to be cheerful all the time..
I may not had been a wise man..
But that doesn't mean I was a fool to begin with..
Sometimes I may have been cheerful in a way
just like the flowing river..
It looks peaceful from far..
yet in near ranged view..
It's raging current never fail to fail others expectation..
To be or not to be..
Is never a result nor a question to begin with.. .
It's just a Resolution to be done with..

A mask that spoke of...

Being bad isn't that bad..
Being good doesn't really feel good...
Yet wearing a Mask seems to made me lonely..
Knowing the fact that sometimes it's hard to just be oneself..
Instead of going through the hard way..
I chose to just continue wearing the mask...
Perhaps it deceives some people..
and in a way in deceives me in believing that it's ok hiding one's trueself  deep inside the heart..
It's that worn out..
and yet i'm still wearing onto it.. knowing that it's gonna wear out..
I cling onto it..
Realizing that only you know the ugliness in me..
I waived upon your departure...
knowing that you've gone somewhere far for me to reach upon..
so far that i lost the sight of your visible face..
And all i could say was I'm Here again..
Alone...

One!!

If it's you....
Can you tell my why It isn't me..
Did everlasting seems to last..
or Did you realize that the reality was you..
And was I the one mocking about Fairy Tales..
hoping that it was really a Fairy Tale to be told of..
and now..
Here i am..
Telling you that It's the Last Chapter..
A Tale which ends as None..
Starts as One..

Will you???

What if You were the one whom carries a broken heart..

Will you feel what i felt when you did that to me..

Will you ever think back about the words you utter upon me..

Will you wish that you could take back those words..

What if You knew that i known what you are gonna say when i tried to flap my wings to grab a chance to just tell you a simple three words..

Will you still sliced the wings i gathered upon facing you and watch as i crashed harshly on the ground..

And Knowing that it's gonna happen this way..

Would you even wanna alter this uneventful incident..

Perhaps not..

Cause if you do..

Would i still be here telling a story..

A story which never fails to end with a broken heart..

Ages ago!!!

Sometimes does the age of a person indicates how mature should he or she be..

Why can't age just show's how much time past while we were doing as what a child would..

Why must it indicate that the increasing number is reflective to the maturity of a person..

Why doesn't anyone understand.. 

I was never born to be mature as i aged..

It carries a lots of burden and responsibility just by going according to the unrealistic equation..

One Shall never be compared of their maturity solely based on their age..

Maturity doesn't reflect on how you do things or act in front of people..

It's Basically how you co-respond with the surrounding we encounter..

To know when's the time to act like one and when's the time to leave it aside and be yourself..

Things that gotta go really need to go one day!!!

In life.. There many things that made memories that are to be cherished..
Yet there nothing which never fails to lead to a broken heart or rather sadness..
Some may have chose to avoid it..
thinking everything will turn right..
and yet there are those whom try facing it..
But nevertheless..
I was one of those whom avoid from facing those sadness..
knowing that it hurts more than facing it..
I was afraid that things will go haywire..
avoiding it just seems like leaving something stagnant..
something as eternal as you were..
yet I finally saw through myself..
It wasn't you i'm avoiding..
It was you i was hoping to see in my near future..
Regardless of how things may seemed to be..
I always knew everything carries happiness yet sadness..
It's just the way i adapt with..
and now it's decided..
I guess even shoe can tell stories by the look of it..
i had worn many shoes..
and yet many worn out..
but they never fail to walk with me..
and to bring memories to be cherish..
and now it's worn out..
and sooner or later i gotta go for the new shoes..
and I had.........

Memories may be created..
Yet they never seems to be forgotten..
As one's heart always remember..
The memoir of you and I...
Is the end of the last chapter..
But the beginning of a new story..
A story which is yet to be told of..

Puppet along the Dark Stage..

Sometimes I tend to lay down on the sofa all day long..
Thinking What could have happen If i Did this instead of that..
Maybe Things would not Turn out this way..
Maybe It will turn out my way..
Thats What i used to Think back in those days..
It just seems to me that Every Question Seems to lead to Only two options..
This Way or The other way..
I just hope One day there's a third option to go with..
If only i could just care less about making options and just leave things as they were..
But it will never happen as every time i try in not making options,
It ended up with others deciding it for me.. I just felt like a puppet..
Strolling on the stage.. Pulling up acts by the stretch of strings..
Maneuvered by the others which seems to forget that they were to a Puppet...
But just when things seems to lead to the path of darkness...
There was light shone downwards..
Demanding for attention..
to be brace upon its warm light..
To know That even if there's darkness..
Light will always shine through it no matter how small it may seems..
Where there's light there always darkness and so does the opposite..

Tomomi Ogawa

Omg.. I guess she's just to good to be True.. Just Imagine there's a duplicate of her in Malaysia..

I'll Die without regret.. maybe i'll stalk her for her number first..

SHe One of a kind..

\( o.o)/

It's hard..

Was Today different from yesterday??
Or is Tomorrow gonna make a different..
Those thoughts used to linger here and there..
But now.. Since that day Pass.. Today seems no less than yesterday..
And Tomorrow never seems to arrive..
It's just to hard to not think about it..
It's really that hard.. And Do you know that..
For the uncountable number of time i had to put up that mask..
just to Lie to everyone "That I'm okay"..
"It's just another event of my life anyway"..
The truth was.. It was never okay.. never even slightly okay..
It's harder to put a smile when there's no heart to do so
compared to the time i tried smiling when sadness was filled within my heart..
Deep inside there..
Darkness was left by you...
and I was alone walking in the darkness just to find "Hope"
and till now i still linger in this mass darkness you left upon leaving my heart..
I felt the pain.. the echoes of my crumbling heart..
The sound of your footsteps vanishing as every heartbeat of mine starts to turn unheard or rather stop..
and now...
i just wish that you could tell me That "It's hard" for you to leave as well..
That's all...
Was "IT HARD"???

Day 2 - You

Where are you now,
What are you doing?
Are you in this endless sky?
I realized for the first time
I've lost the things that have filled my heart till now
How much you supported me
How much you made me smile
That I'd lost them was too much to consider
Even though I struggled so desperately to reach out my hand 
and
take them back
Like the wind they slipped through,
looking as though they would reach me,
but did not
My chest was tightened by loneliness and despair
My heart felt like it would break
But your smiling face remained in my memories
Always encouraging me
Let's return to those days once more
I know it will be alright this time
Always smiling at your side
Close by your side
so
Will you smile for me like always?

Day 1- What comes and Doesn't

Isn't it obvious that the mist gotta come no matter how hard i tried to run away..
The feeling of being lost..
the feeling of not being able to feel anything anymore..
The feeling which succumbs after one another..
It just felt so lost..
I i just want to remain there..
i want to be lost in the mist..
To cling onto the things i shouldn't
and now
The hardest things to do now is to keep a smile behind the crying heart..
How i wish i could just let it out..
To cry till my heart whispers with a faint beat..
To just breakdown and never wish to stand up again..
To just scream out loud
till there's never tomorrow to rest upon..
To just grab tight and never let go knowing that it hurts even more..
To just say why don't we give a shot.. maybe we could leave this mist we are in..
But instead..
I found the way out..
Guided you out of the mist..
Told you it's okay to go first..
and don't look back..
Cause i'm just gonna stay in the mist..
And it will stay the same..
No matter what..
Just have a great life ahead..,
That's my sole promise for you..
Cause you might not be the first to be in the mist..
but you will be the last person i ever want to be in this mist..
This very mist that comes and goes...
This very mist that doesn't seems to have logic..
But is trying to be illogical most of the time..
This mist...

Day 2 - What if it's toDAY..

What if it's today but not tomorrow and obviously not yesterday..
Would i still be the one i once proclaimed to be..
or maybe the one whom i never try to be..
It just a simple puzzle mingling left,right,up,down or rather everywhere in the brain,
that very brain which seems to be superior from it's wits but inferior when it comes to you..
All the data, the information.. the leaks.. It's a perfect clinch where your movement were "predictable"
But Everything just falls apart when " Love" interfere with the Brain..
But it's just doesn't stop.. or does it.. at last all the Brain could do is to succumb to it's failure..
and when Everything seems to end.. That's when the beginning starts..
A start which never seems to know when to end or perhaps a start without an ending from the beginning..
and I guess when it starts.. it'll never stop..
and That's when eternal comes to its use....

I can wait for an eternal
And cry for a decade,
but
that doesn't mean I'll ever forget you in a millenium years to come..
As my love for you had been carved,
right at this spot
inside here
on the left side of my chest,
and it will always remain the same for eternity...
till death tore us apart,
I'll always be there..
For you...

Day 1 - A day which never seems to differ from others..

      Have you ever wish or rather whisper from the bottom of your heart that Today is gonna be DIFFERENT from yesterday or any other day.. I did and yet for some reason it doesn't work on me.. I always hope for a more dynamic day rather than a monotonous day.. Everyday just seems like the other day.. I felt so empty.. All that could be done was to work and work and work.. just to stop the pathetic side of mine from thinking non-stop about you.. Why couldn't you just disappear from my thoughts and appear right in front of my barely naked eyes.. but that's just a situation that appears in a dream which will vanish right at the moment when it's time to face the reality..
       All i could say was You are always the motivation i could find to embrace the day and in the same time you are too the disappointment i felt in when effort made by me to see you is just as far as going through your Facebook Profile.. I texted you.. Give you all the hint i could.. and yet.. you never seem to noticed it or you just tend to avoid it... I wanted to ask you.. to confront with the matter.. Yet i lack courage of doing so.. and I am just too afraid.. Really afraid that the response given by you may be the worst or even worst than what i could expect..
        That's why it will always be a day which never seems to differ from others.. Today,Yesterday,Tomorrow.. or any other day.. Without your consent.. or rather acknowledgement.. everyday will be just like today and yesterday.. If.. and ONLY IF you could just tell me what are you thinking.. I'll just tell you what i felt every single day..

What a heart can say (2)...

It's been a while since i blog.. it's been to busy for my fingers to type things out here..
Work is always in it's usual way..BORING!!!..
But nevertheless my brain never stops from Thinking about you..
I thought of moving a step closer to you...
But to what i felt and Realized.. Every time i take a step forward..
You did take a step too.. but Backwards..
It hurts when you did that..
but if we were to discuss on whom to be blame for the situation we are in now..
It's will always be me..
I seriously Admit that I lack courage in Facing you..
And i turn speechless as i Confront you..
as it's not only your beauty that amazed me..
but it's my language.. I don't want the sinful mouth of mine to be the one to pierce into the soothing ears of yours..
All i could do is to helplessly tell myself.. "I don't deserve someone like you"
"You are way better off with someone else"
But for now.. Even if there's no fate that's gonna bring us together..
I just hope that you know that I'm serious and i don't mind you that you doubt me or avoid me..
Cause I just want you to believe That My love for you comes not from the thoughts of you..
But the Hearts that beats for you...