Sky???

Every picture of a sky means something,
something so great that only the one understands its greatness,
though skies may move and tears it may shed,
still it's endless beauty never seems to die off,
just like this picture i took using Joannes's DSLR CAMERA!!!

it may have been just a scenery of skies floating above us,

but for mean it means something,

something which i hope she could decipher through this piece of memory i lock upon,
far above the vast skies,
a hidden secret,
all left to be discovered,
by the chosen one,
the one which open's the heart of mine,
allowing light to enter,
to shine away all darkness,
and the one i hope to be with..
still this secret is laid under layers of skies,
not knowing when to appear or to remain still,
still waiting..
for the one!!!

Thinking???

I've been thinking for a damn long time,
thinking about something which co-exist from one thing,
one thing which human's define it's as the mightiest of all feelings,
that feeling which brought up someone so high above the skies,
yet with a possibility of letting go of them,
to fall way down to the hard solid ground,
giving finite's of happiness and infinite of pain,
this thing never cease to exist in humanity,
this thing which we called love...
resulting in me walking alone on the dark cold pavement,
only able to hear the echo of my own voice,
shouting for an answer,
demanding to be questioned,
still there's no answers to be given,
or questions to be answered,
walking and walking,
hoping that the shaded clouded will move on,
allowing the sun to shine,
to enlighten this darkness i'm in,
to show me the path i'm walking on,
to melt the icy floor which made me slips numerous time,
to warmth the cold heart of mine...
Now without the light from the sun,
from far,
there seems to be a dim light,
emitting itself,
not knowing where it originated from,
nor where it's ending point are??
I walk and walk,
towards the dim light,
and as the distance started to shorten,
it's getting brighter and brighter,
as bright as the sun,
i saw a figure,
a similar one,
someone which resemble her,
or it's her....
the one which i wished to be in the future???

Words of wisdom ;-D

It's stupid to say this but... 
GOOD LUCK To those taking trials at SMK TAR on Tuesday...
And FUCK those whom babble they did not study during the holidays and score for the exam,
THOU THEY MAY FAIL MATHS..
STILL THAT'S BETTER THAN LYING!!!!!!...
For your info i did not study at all.. i tried.. but THe computer is just too sexy to avoid...
and worst to worst.. i only manage to revise for PA and Read through ECONOMICS...
MATH.... GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!
MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Undefined???

In life,
everyone knows where the sun rise and set,
and when the moon turns full,
yet there's one thing we would never ever figure out,
which is love,
some says its a feeling where all emotions are involved,
yet,
some says it's just an emotion build up in time,
singular or plural,
right or wrong,
it's still what we call love,
it had its statement,
yet lack of its definition,
love cant be defined,
nor can be explained,
as we just feel it in the left side of our chest,
that small compartment,
which pumps blood throughout our body,
which filters the air we breathe in,
and not to forget to feel the love we felt,
though we never know when we will feel it,
or to lose it..
still we try to understand love,
to try to love and be loved,
still there's no signal which signifies love,
and no logic in loving someone,
but still some doubt the love they saw,
right in front of them,
asking to be loved,
they were unsure whether it's the love they seek,
thinking that love comes in many form and many way,
end up not knowing what love really is and how it make it way..
though many tried to love and end up not being loved back,
still some never stop trying and some just wait,
waiting to be loved back,
rather to love,
as it's just a big round circle,
never knowing when to end or when to start,
though all it comes back with the same word,
love,
still no one understand its existence,
nor knowing its origin...
all they do is to follow what they felt in there,
now,
thinking that it's true love,
I never stop trying..
though not being loved back,
still I try and try,
though she may not give in to my love,
still i try giving up,
yet it's hard,
as it's easy to fall,
and being mid air during the moments of falling,
i felt light for once and free like the soaring skies,
yet,
when i reached the ending point of falling,
i crashed towards the ground,
punctured a hole on the ground,
just as how my heart was punctured with a hole,
i bleed,
just because i try to fall,
and expect someone to catch me,
even noticing that she's moving away,
when i'm in mid air,
still i can't stop falling,
gravity pulling me down,
nothing to stop or brake,
i just fall like that,
and there's she is,
right in front of me,
right there,
near the hole which i made,
just because i fall,
and she never try catching me,
she just barely able to look at me,
just being able to notice the external bruises and bleeding i had,
never even want to try looking what happen in the inside,
all she do was to stand and look,
thinking everything would be fine,
she walked away,
leaving me there,
barely able to stand again,
to even think to fall again,
she left me,
there,
all alone,
facing the dark night,
without the glow of the moon,
it's all pitched black,
the surrounding turns quiet,
echoes of excruciating pain,
coming out from the inside,
trying as loud as it could,
just because it want to be heard,
still no one really did,
as time pass,
i never try falling again,
even thinking of it,
bring back the unwanted memories,
memories which i try putting it in the corner which nothing could reach it,
still every time i saw you,
those memories came back haunting me,
just in a matter of second,
your arrival,
caught my eyes,
and you minions,
came haunting me,
never want me to let go,
to ever forget that,
i'm still stuck,
with loving you,
and even if there's a chance to get rid of it,
that chance just seems like getting rid of myself in part of your life,
and now,
here i am,
just far away from you,
being in the distance,
which i will always notice you,
even knowing that you may never notice you,
still that's all i can do,
Is to watch you from far..
hoping for the impossible to ever happen,
which is to be noticed,
just once...

(NOTE : NO ONE IS INVOLVED)

What's real...

When i looked back into the past i had brought along to the present,

there was one past which i will never forget,

thou many had been memories,

yet this past still follows me.. unwilling to be part of the memories built up in the 19 years of living,

this past signify many ways,

it turn me into what i am today,

this past is like a misery when i'm down,

and a close friend when i'm thinking about the things i had done,

this past,

echoes... just like this,

like a broken record,

repeating its story,

again and again...

till it's like a daily voice i hear,

and till now.. it's fresh in me,

and here's how it will tell it's story to me everyday,

    

     There's once a boy, a kid which just barely able to look at his whole body in the toilet's mirror,

short and round.. he loves to watch movies, movies which take his breath along and steals his heart,

movies which concludes that true love exist in this world, and guess what.. he believed it.. and one day he met this girl.. this girl which he met.. took place in a home tuition where it is his first day there.. this girl with long hair and fairest of all girl he ever look upon.. just like the movie he watched once.. just one time looking at her,

he fall for her.. like what we call as love at first sight.. he thought that he was only gonna see her during the tuition time,yet.. it seems she goes to the same primary school as her.. but different session as.. she was in the morning session and he was in the afternoon session.. still this boy never fails to try to catch a glimpse of this gal..yet this gal never notice him before.. not to say he tried making her to notice him.. this boy will just stand far from the class she's in.. just looking at her would be fine that time... till the day when primary schooling days were counted and this boy is gonna shift to a new environment in the secondary school life.. he thought he would never ever get to met and look at the gal he fell for the very first time anymore...

Till.. the first day of being in the secondary school... He was shocked....

-sorry for the inconvenience... i will continue tomorrow..

Reason...

For everything i done,

in the past and even now,

there's a reason behind it,

though i tried voicing it out,

yet sometimes you weren't bothered to listen,

and when i kept it to myself,

you said i wasn't willing to tell you,

and when i told you,

you said i was fussy about everything,

and yet you weren't willing to understand the reason behind those words,

those words which were left unspoken,

were the word you never want to listen,

and when it spoke,

you shovel it aside,

as if there's nothing left to say,

yet when i tried reasoning,

you tried avoiding,

and it just seems that there's no reason in trying anymore,

and i just lost track of the reason,

the one and only reason,

to fall and to try loving you..

cause reason just doesn't seems to have chemistry with you,

and without reason,

what can i used,

to be the wall to lean on,

when i slipped,

to be the barrier,

when you tried hurting me,

now when i walked away,

you again ask for a reason,
and what reason you want me to give,
when all left is nothing to be said...

-mat-

Hands...

There are times i just want you to know the truth,
yet i'm afraid of hurting you,
and there times i lied to you,
yet you believed what i said,
telling you the truth is like stabbing you from the front,
and telling a lie is like stabbing you from the back,
no matter how i tried to choose,
I still end up hurting you,
which is something i could never had done,
with my own bare hand,
which was given to me,
to embraced you when you are cold,
and to hold you hands tight so you will never slip away from me,
yet this hand,
did what it didn't wanna do,
and no matter how hard it try to resist,
there's nothing could be done,
you are hurt,
by this very hand of mine,
leading to the sounds of your shattering heart,
and here i am,
right here,
again with this hand,
the hand that shatters your heart,
trying to mend it,
even though all pieces of your shatter heart could be placed again,
back into one piece,
still the perfect heart which i longed for,
now just seems to be imperfect,
destroyed by my own hand,
this very hand of mine

This place....

This place,
a place once used,
to be a place where the sun shines the brightest,
and the moon glow in the night,
and the stars which glare the undying beauty of this place,
where darkness could never crawl nor slipped into this place,
this place where supposed to be the paradise,
paradise where emotions learned to be themselves,
where nothing is a secret,
and yet,
this place which was craved,
and shape with the bare hand of mine,
looks perfect as a stares at it,
yet in the inside..
nothing could ever be compared nor be differentiate,
as it's the only place,
the one and only place,
which all emotions lives as one,
under its sole ruler,
"love"
many emotions,
brought upon to this place,
a place where unison peace and harmony,
never cease from disappearing,
and,
never tries to manipulate nor to enslaves any emotion,
though this place is just another,
place where only memories seems to make it real,
as this place had long gone,
destroyed and eradicated,
leaving nothing but an empty side,
this place,
once blessed with love,
now it's left with emptiness,
which is filled with its destroyer,
the one which blocks the light from reaching this place,
this darkness,
which was brought upon the moment i met her,
which infiltrate this place,
disguising as the ambassador of the other land,
which looks like this place,
trying so hard to be part of this place,
this darkness,
never stops from trying,
scheming plans,
plans where made me,
the creator of this place,
to fall,
without even knowing that this darkness would never catch me,
with the bare hands of this darkness,
it lay its trap,
hoping that it will trap the ruler of this place,
and yet..
it really did trapped the love,
which fall upon believing,
this darkness...
and yet,
the ruler was slaughtered,
leaving nothing but pain,
to this place,
that was shattered into pieces,
pieces which will never be mend again,
pieces which opens a hole in this place,
a hole which allows this darkness,
to wages war,
to cause massive destruction to this place,
leading to the uncountable death of the emotions,
living in this place,
as it symbolize the death of the rule brought upon the downfall of this place,
and now..
this place..
is left with a hole,
and darkness filling inside it..
this place..
a place once full of emotions,
now it had become emotionless,
never to hope that it ruler will be brought back alive,
to again be slaughtered...
this place....

-Mat-

The So called Theory...

In the world we live in,

Every single mankind that breathe the air of the universe,

and grasp the undying beauty of the world,

deserve a chance to live as other did,

but not everyone deserve a chance to truly love and be loved,

as thoughts of really trying to love someone from the heart,

and being loved back by anyone,

just seems to be an ideal theory,

yet in the reality,

this theory never truly exist,

whether we tried proving it existence or not,

it will end up making a circle of nowhere,

a circle which always have a starting point,

yet missing its ending point...

and many doubt this,

this ideal theory which never exist,

believing that if they really put their heart into the love they tried so heart,

with "sincerity" of course,

all stuff into one simple present box,

look simple from the outside,

and different from the inside,

which makes the recipient speechless,

speechless about the packaging they saw,

right in front of their very eye,

not knowing what to do next,

or to do now..

just lingering their thoughts on ways,

ways to either unwrapped this sincerity and take a peek of what possibilities could encountered them,

or maybe they just leave it there,

just right there,

without even remembering whom left it there,

or even giving a damn about it..

and this so called theory of equivalent trades,

that never ever exist in love,

as the only excuse they could give is,

"Love can't be measure,

nor can it be counted,

cause no matter how much you love someone or

how much the someone love you,

you just need to know he/she love you because you love him/her too.."

and what about those whom loves someone with his/her whole heart,

and the other one doesn't really care,

is it equivalent as we speak,

all its just come around with excuses that the someone,

could not love you the way you want..

is that the best you could ever come up with..

or that's the only thing you could say to make yourself feel better,

and now right here...

as you were busy tempting other souls you seek for,

Here's a soul which you trampled his/her sincerity,

and kicks the love he/she had for you..

just because of you whom made him/her fall for you...

and not being versatile in catching him/her..

do you still intend to make this very soul believe that true love exist,

and sincerity is just what made true love co-exist,

In the world where you and I exist,

or it's just another one of your games which need he/she to play their role..

~Soul~

-Mat-

this may be the very last post..

Chance...

Day are counted,

and years are numbered..

yet i'm still here,

waiting,

just waiting for a chance,

a chance of a lifetime..

which a life that is numbered as one,

that goes and never comes back,

I'm now here...

right outside the entrance,

that one and only entrance..

where many goes out from it and enter again from the same entrance..

still i'm outside,

not being to enter,

not given a chance to try being inside there...

yet...

you disallowed me to move from the spot,

just leaving me stagnant at the same place...

not knowing when will there be a chance for me..

all i could do is to wait..

right here.. 

only being able to watch you from far,

as it's just how things alway been..

and perhaps..

just perhaps it will always be like that...

where my sight always reach you..

and my heart always there,

right where you never try to notice,

no matter how hard i tried making it obvious...

and now...

i saw the chance,

which seem so real yet unreal,

finding for the individual,

the only person left..

outside..

which its one and only one right is to watch,

and never respond to what it really wants..

knowing that to speak,

is like watching..

only being able to start,

but not being given back a respond..

still..

that chance is waiting,

waiting for an absolute answered it prepared,

just for me to respond..

yet.. 

I responded with

******

-accept-

-refuse-

~Lost~

-Mat-

When the rain pours...

There are times i wanna cry,

and there are times i wanna Laugh,

yet I laugh when my heart is crying,

and I cried when my heart is dying..

still that never stop time from moving,

nor slowing it down for a moment,

and yet i'm still here,

waiting for you,

even the clock continues ticking,

I'm always there,

right where you were suppose to notice me,

and yet you never did..

still i tried calling you out,

and you just walk,

and as time pass,

you were walking further away from me,

not knowing that i'm always standing,

at the same right spot,

hoping that you would just turn and look how far you were from me,

yet you just walk..

and started running when the rain started to pour down on me,

and i saw you stopping at the place,

where rain couldn't lay its tear on you,

right in front of me,

you watched the rain pouring down,

and you saw me alone,

standing right where i had been all this while,

soaked by the rain,

you never noticed that,

i was crying,

under the rain,

where tear merges together with the rain,

regardless of the number of times i cried,

this time,

you ran towards me,

holding an umbrella,

and here you are..

right in front of me,

looking at the tears i had on my face,

thinking that it was the rain on my face,

you tried asking,

persuading me to proceed to the place,

where the rain could never reach me anymore,

yet i tried reasoning to you to stay,

still you refuse..

and now,

I lost you...

-Mat-

I just can't

To maintain our friendship,

I just kept it to myself,

even knowing that i did have feelings for her..

there's just nothing i could do,

but to used others feelings to cover up my true feelings.

Although i just wanna tell her to give me a chance to work things out,

...

i just want to tell her to confront her feeling with me,

i dont want her to be unhappy with it,

keeping it within herself so deep that i couldn't reach at all,

if i could just say what my heart wanted to,

it would just be liked this,

"Why dont we give ourself a chance to work things out"

"I know that you can't because of the friendship we are gonna risk"

"but that doesn't mean i can just stand there,"

" and watch as you deal with things in a way which make you sad"

"as i don't want you to be sad just because of the things i try to change"

" i just hope that you could just give me a chance to be there for you"

"to hold you when you fall"

"to hug you when you're feeling cold"

"to give you my shoulder when you are down"

"to be your listener when you are lonely"

"to be the other half you seek for"

"and not to avoid my feelings toward you"

" i just wanna make you happy being with me"

" and not puting up a cheerful face when deep inside you are sad"

"I just can't be happy as you are sad"

" I just can't"

~masked~

-Mat-