Marry Chris-T-MUST

There's this one moment where you could just wish the whole world to poof..
and as times pass..
you lack the courage to tell other's that you are fine..
when the truth is.. you were feeling any better..
It felt as if your heart just beat slower day by day..
signifies that you may one day stop breathing..
and now.. here you are.. writing this during Christmas..
where it's a day joy's comes and giving is all about Christmas..
still you never stop being emotionally drift apart..
and many asked you why..
You said it's normal..
and to avoid the temptation of rotting at home..
but the truth was.. you were feeling lonely inside..
but cheerful in the outside..
you thought that by doing things and letting chores burden your time..
you could just slip away without thinking about her..
but you were wrong..
the moment you take a break..
lay your head on the sofa..
thing's started to form inside your brain.
lust is conquering your heart..
and evil is trampling over your faith..
you thought of her.,.
wondering if she's enjoying her time..
wishing the best for her..
neglects your lust to just send her a text or even called her..
You tell other it's fine.. as long as you are happy..
but deep down there..
you scream of sadness..
echoes of your voice..
trembling the very foundation you try to keep onto..
and now..
again.. here you are..
staring at the Monitor..
checking your dead empty phone screen..
wishing that she could just text you..
Merry Christmas..

Looking at the beautiful yet facinating red rose.. i approach..
and it amazed my eyes.. yet when i try plucking it..
it prick me..
but still i'm happy that i get to take a glimpse of the rose that seized my heart..
wrapped my heart around with the thorns..
i leave it as it is.. moving away and seeing it far aside..
knowing that it blossoms.. that's all could ever ask for..

Unknown...

Days and days to come..

I try not to think..

but it just seems that thinking is the only thing i'm capable of..

I made assumptions..

denied the possibility..

and asked for advised..

but all i could ever get is something simple..

yet meaningful..

Three day's of sleepless night..

made me realize that..

those nights.. i wasn't alone..

He was talking to me..

in my mind.. speaking high of his words..

he told me why doubt what you got..

when you can believe what you felt..

Love isn't what her create for us to perish upon..

he create and bless love upon us to cherish the moments we had..

but i told him...

I'm a man full of love.. yet i'm one with doubt..

I'm easy to be satisfied with..

as long as she's happy then everything is fine with me..

all i ever want to see is the smile she shone upon the world..

and the eyes that never seems to receit sadness..

yet.. lord.. i'm one man that sinned by showing the selfish side of mine..

and all he said to me was..

child.. you know what's love is..

right from the day you descended to earth..

you show love to your mother by looking into her eye's the first time..

and as you grow.. you learn that love isn't something which is kept hold in the hand..

love is something you share with everyone..

but as time pass.. doubt seems to coat your mind and your heart..

making illusions which is just illusions...

believing that those illusions appears in the reality..

you try to avoid.. and let down your head while she's there..

yet you try to look her in the eyes..

and you saw the sadness in the eyes..

believing it's your blame to be taken..

you chose to just be a shadow in the corner..

watching her..

praying for her happiness..

yet neglecting your sadness..

proudly saying that it's fine.. as long as she's happy..

Believe and you shall see.. Doubt and you will be seen..

Trust comes in no mans mind..but in one's heart..

Change!!!

Did anyone or someone try to notice that things have change..
for now i don't want anyone to know..
and in times to come..
i just gotta go..
i'm no longer the guy which talk at his desire wish..
and not the child whom speaks ill about the language anymore..
I just wanna be myself..
someone whom inspire the surrounding..
but never pollutes the ears of others..
Believing that time has move on..
and you had too move apart..
all i could do is to wave..
and pray that happiness is by your side..
and remember that i still would look from afar..
craving for the smile that melts my heart...
and the eyes that catches mine..
So for now.. I just wanna be the way i used to be..
and i'll will still have the same heart..
always open just for you to enter..
and never to close to trap you..
come as you wish
and
leave as you desire..

Thoughts..

It's been three days..
and three nights..
I'd been thinking about the same thing..
and it seems no matter how hard things were,
i still end up with the same answer..
and i even wrote out what i wanted to say..
but in the same time..
i was wondering.. should i say it in mandarin or just english..
and here i am.. saying this..
knowing that it's been way to long did my eyes met yours in such distance..
... but..

BAck at ONe!!!

I'm back.. that means...STPM is over.. and the right mood that is suppose to kick in is overjoy..
yet.. i don't feel right.. I don't know why.. 24 hours of sleepless moment.. made my mind awake but my body weak... right from this morning at 12.01a.m.. I was B.A(Barely able) to concentrate in brushing up my skills for the last paper.. Flipping through those sheets of papers.. i realize nothing was going in.. as my mind wasn't accepting all the infos.. my mind at that state of arc.. it was debating with my heart.. swinging numerous points, facts.. and nonsense as well.. my mind doesn't seem to know how to cease from bombarding my heart.. it's was like..my mind was saying that "if you love her.. why must you choose to be with her.. all this while you have been looking at her from a far distance.. and now you want to go nearer.." and my heart was whispering into my ears.. saying "why stay at the same spot.. advance forward.. gather all the courage you have left out all this year.. She's always the one.. the moment she sank me deep..she's the one"...
SO humans.. right now i'm in a damn dilemma.. you aint wanna hear ALPHA MIKE FOXTROT from me..