Regrets!!!

I can look at your picture the whole day..
and say that you made my heart stop..
but what's the point.. I wouldn't be able to turn back time and tell you..
I was really glad that you smile and laugh with everyone..
though it hurts not being able to share those moments with you,
still looking from afar is all i could ever ask for,
looking at you taking all those pictures with different people..
Your smile made it picture perfect for them..
Those people were so lucky..
and where was i..
hiding behind those pillar.. looking from afar..
being envy of the courage they have to just go and tell her that they wanted to take a picture with her..
and when i thought that's the last time i am gonna see you for the day..
I sulk myself thinking what am i..
I guy which dares to love someone,
but lack courage to tell someone..
I despise myself..
I felt like a low life scumbag..
talking to everyone..
but words starts to shut lock tight when i saw her..
then i went to aeon with all the friends i could ever wished for..
and again.. it seems i saw you from afar..
and all i did was to turn around..
making an excuse for myself to follow some of them to the toilet..
even though i already went..
what a scumbag i am..
and when loges ask her to take picture with him..
loges turn around and signal me to go..
and guess what..
I act like a dumb founded human.. ignoring it and pretending to be talking to others..
so conclusion.. I'm just another asshole on the street..
which only learns to brag like a fool,
and avoid like an asshole..
till the day i found courage..
i guess i'll leave my heart here..
and when the times comes...
the next post will be here..

-Mat-

Success is not final,

Failure is not fatal,

Courage is what counts..

-----------------------------------

I been through success and failures..
I thought that it had given me courage,
but still i lack of courage that i need now..
and this will seriously be my last post for this month till 16th of December,
And i'm just here to say 3 things..
1. I'm sorry for making those actions yesterday,
2.I'm sorry that i lack courage to take pictures with you,
3.I'm hoping that the day our eyes met.. will be the day i found courage..

All the best for the upcoming exams..
S.y.S...
W.T.L

I should still be chasing after my dream.
But someone tripped me on this narrow road that is full of bends.
I’m searching for the sky that you’ve lost sight of, 
but it’s not as if I want to return back to the “old time”
I shouldn’t put up a sorrowful act and expect people to understand that I was a victim because of it.
Sins does not end with just tears. 
I’ll always have to bear that pain.

Truth that i could sit and write about..

I'm seriously feeling like shyt..
studying doesn't really make me feel busy and kept me from thinking..
every 30 minutes.. a break would just mean time for me to start questioning myself..
did i seriously consider to just sulk and conclude that's it's all over..
I tried to..
still i didn't really know why i decided not too go on with the idea..
flashing back through the hundreds of text from you in the past February till the end of March,
ANd comparing it with now..
it seems like i got the answer from you..
maybe you just felt annoyed now..
or it's just studies you were concentrating now..
still..
i can't really just budge in and cause commotion in your life...
sign were visible,
but emotions are unnoticeable..
so now i can't text you or call you,...
but if you were to read this..
It's been the truth all this while..


"To talk about the love life i gone through, you were the only one that knows all..
but i didn't tell you one thing..
which is i did fall for you since Form 3.. and i was uncertain at first.. as you encourage me to go for her..
and if i would just given a chance to turn back time.. i would definitely go for you..
To say that you were the first.. you know i'm lying.. but i wished you want to be my only one
but i guess i'm just not suited for you anyway..
I know you read many things about her past and you thought i was related with it..
still i'm here to tell you.. I only wanna get related to you..
The world and my friends can ignore my love for you..
But if you were to join their league..
I guess tears really could cry a river out and drown my heart..
and I know that he still likes you and i don't know how you felt about it..
But i can't be a jerk to stop you from talking to him.. and be jealous about it..
If you think he's the one.. then i'm okay with it.. as long as you are happy..
But time will still flow...
and i will always wait..
But if i'm categorize in the same league as the human which disturb you previously..
then i guess it's been one sided all this while..
just know that it's been you all the time..
and if you still doubt it..
then shoot it to the ground.."

I'll be back

I guess this gonna be my last post till the end of my exams..

anyway.. i don't really prefer to talk about studies on the net,

in made me felt like i'm worst than a nerd..

maybe "NEEK" ( NErd + geEK)..

still there's one last piece of mind i want to bury here..

and in 1 month and 13 days time,

i will be back..

_________________________________________________________

If i was to choose to be with you now,

I rather not,

as i'm uncertain of the future which lies ahead,

though knowing that it's not the road i planned,

but it's best not to bring you along,

as i'm just a guy and not a god..

still i'm glad that at least i did told you,

that i love you and it reached you..

cause brain storming for the past few days,

I came out with a solution,

which is best for you( in my opinion)

and it's fine with me..

As long as you know what i felt and remember that it will always be the same,

don't feel bad if you like someone instead of me,

and be proud that you got human's which can give you the feeling i couldn't,

and be happy that you know what your heart desire..

as for me..

i'm just a guy..

a fall and fall,

knowing that it hurts falling,

still i fall for you for the last time..

but if it's fate for me to love you without being loved back,

it's okay..

as long as i told you what i felt..

i'm happy with it..

though my heart ache's of not being with you,

i still got time to just think of the possibilities that could happen,

and maybe.. just maybe it will help to lighten the pain in  the heart,

but for now..

Just remember that happiness doesn't come alone..

humans just need sadness to know what's happiness,

and love to know that you are not alone..

(I'll be Back)

-mat-