What a heart can say...

Do you think I wanna be loaded with cash,

Even if i am loaded,

Whats the big deal about it,

I still ended up with being lonely,

Do you think i really wanna be nosy in all stuff,

its just that i wanna know more of you,

By doing that,

I always wish that i could build a firm wall of relationship with you,

Do you think that i wanna be so talkative,

Its just that everytime i try not to do it,

You tend to assume that i am being troubled by something,

You say i wasn't being mature due to the fact i was talkative,

yet when i try to be one through being quiet and serious,

you slapped me hard with your facts of i'm being emotionally down,

Everytime i am facing so many things,

Deep in my heart,

I always want you to be the first to know about it,

Yet I felt or perhaps saw a wall you firmly build to avoid me from doing so,

Though you may deny the fact by saying that i have others to share with,

But those that fact really ever exist,

I may not be perfect in many aspects,

but you just can't assume that whatever actions i did at school was the real me..

Its just the mask i been holding onto for a long time,

Yet you tend to ignore it,

Even though many people say that i am a cheerful person,

Sadly but the truth is,

I never was..

Deep inside me,

i was thinking why isn't someone there,

someone which can give me a feeling or perhaps a reason for why i am here standing,

Yet..

I dunno who i am..

Did you ever knew that most of the time,

you think that i made a lie or a joke,

actually i am telling you the truth,

I dunno when or how,

But now..

My heart felt so heavy,

with all this scramble feeling of mine,

it felt like a time bomb,

sonner or later,

its will just go of like that,

and i will just say,

This is not the life i dreamed of...

~heart talk~

-Mat-