Your Satisfaction or MINE!!!

I was once naive thinking that i could satisfy everyone's need.
Yet during form 6 I realize that this is but a fool's job to be done with,
and yet there's still a desire in me to help others..
Till that day when he told me this
"Do you think you are happy satisfying everyone's need while neglecting yours"
"Do you think that they will appreciate what you had done for them"
"You should be grateful that your help does not turn out to be an sore eye to them"
"Think about it.. did you really feel happy helping out"
"or most of the times you just think that you are but a burden to them"
"You are brought down to earth not to write story line of how other live"
"You are the writer of your own life"
Till today I remember those words..
It was meaningful.. yet painful in the same time..
As time pass I could say I live for myself for the first time..
Till I enter University...
Things were different..
There were many lost souls..
This happen around their surrounding is like a new thing to tackle with..
Yet for me it's like the old same scenes during form 6..
And once again I tried helping.. But it end up with me being helpless..
So still I chose to go with this..
I Live not to Satisfy your needs..
But mine..
As I'm the writer of my life and I decide how things goes on..
And sadly i got to tell you that You were just a side character in my write up..
No matter how things goes.. Band 6 will always be in the story..
As without them..
What would I be today..
Thanks for showing me to whats reality and
for giving me something I never thought of getting in this lifespan...

6th of December...

What today bring forth is another's days past..
everyday we are creating another page to enter our diary of the past..

My diary had been so interesting that  3 days and 3 nights of talking about it wont get it done..

So instead of looking back to the past..

I decided to look forward to another mysterious day which is the 7th..

Uni life may be hectic in a way with assignments and finals to prepare..

Yet no matter how hectic it is... 

there's always time to lean back and think about what could happen tomorrow..

yet.. It is strange that sometimes things dont go my way..

Or rather there's aways a turbulence suddenly without any notification..

it is past 1 in the afternoon..

And it will start to be hectic again later till night..

I seek not for the will to stay alive..

but the will to encounter whats coming soon..

p.s. -*Protect her and if there's a need to reverse the karma.. pls do so on me

It's just how it is suppose to be..

What is the point having a dozen stars to look upon the gloomy night at labuan,
When all I remember is the one and only one of the brightest star in klang,
Sometimes it is just hard to tell someone or the one whom you wish your heart could whisper to their,
It seriously feel sad when all i'm trying to do is to avoid people from regretting on the decision that they shouldn't had make..
It always remind me of the past..
which i want to get rid of but with no choice to live on with it,
I'm still thinking sometimes,
wondering are you thinking the same thing as i am,
are you still dwelling on the past,
Maybe both of us just decide to move on,
to know that love is not the only thing required in life, but fate is what determine most..
For now..
I'm just wishing that one day.. God would just give me a chance to protect the one whom i treasure most,
and hope that she knows that all said and done, it just sincerity that matters most..

Now and the past

When I look back into my previous post which accumulates to about 100 post..
I was laughing so hard at how I used to be.. It made me thought of what I had done since I started blogging during form 6...
Time do fly fast.. but still the past did not fly away.. I still can remember clearly what happen in those days,
Me being naive of loving someone so deep and just asking in return to be loved,
Me being lucky to have awesome friends which till now they are like my family,
Me being stupid for enjoying life and taking my studies for granted..
and Lastly, I realized one important which is I ask God a few request.. and indeed he did answered me..
Not immediately but it happen eventually.. all my request came through.. and he show me what my eyes could not see at first..

But now when I enter University.. there are a few individual whom spoke of their opinion of going to University is too enjoy,
and I was like pissed off with their thoughts as I know the feeling of being in the border or nothingness.
Almost losing everything due to the fact of enjoying too much instead of pursuing for my future..
and In University.. everything is different.. An average guy like me at Klang is Seriously(not joking) just an average guy.. but when it comes to being in uni... they thought i was like a smart ass.. but i wasn't...
and they thought I'm a nice guy which will help out anytime, any subject..
HELL NO!!!
Cause during the form 6 life, I learn that in some manner you gotta be acting selfish and dumb.. Cause it is seriously for your own good.. But for my awesome friends( you ppl know who i'm talking about)... I can pick the moon and seriously talk to it for you guys,
I could ramp a rampaging bull and say come on.. it's just a cow..
and I could even tell you how much i love you guys and show that i mean it in every part of my heart.. Not just bottom..
But the center of my heart is still left for the one and only woman.. so don't get jealous.. hahahaha

1 month

It's officially a month since I enter University,
Yesterday was the 5th.. it was like the time I left Klang..
It's just to fast to be true,
On the 4th.. I still remember that I woke up at 5 something,
Just to have one last Breakfast Meal with Joannes,Edmund,Lee Kiong and Sarah..
As Edmund always mention that I have never fetch him.. so that made me fetch him One last time
I reach his house Sharp at 6 in the morning and in order to achieve that a broke a few traffic rules..
and he Just finish bathing with a towel covering his lower body coming out to the gate to let me in..
It was epic.. haha.. and later after breakfast we all Went to loges's house to see him one last time
and he just woke up..
Man those memories were priceless..
And In 3 more months i'll be back..

20 years had past,
Memories been carved to many ,
Yet Memoirs of you guys remain deep in my heart..

When things Move on...

If I knew University life is going to make each one of us so busy,
During the last eight months together I wish I could have spend more time with you guys,
To just tell you guys how much you were too me,
It's easy to make new friends..
But it's hard to get Friends like you guys once in a lifetime,
Pursuing a degree may have given me a better option in life,
Yet knowing you guys been the best option given to me in this whole 20 years of life,
I was a fool to tell myself it's okay going somewhere far to further my studies,
It's freedom after all..
Yet three weeks have past just like that without you guys,
I tremble in loneliness,
I fear that I might just give up and return to the place where I truly belong,
But every time seeing those wall posts on each of you guys wall,
I was really glad that you guys enjoy Uni,
And it made me to not want to give up what I work so hard till now,
Some of you guys might think I'm nuisance for not setting my priorities right..
I know family are important..
I wish i could just tell you all face to face that I never told you that I lied telling you all that I prioritize Friends first rather than My family..
The truth was You been part of my family since we started to venture through hardship and enjoyment together during Form 6..
And about the girlfriend part.. I moved on and I really want to focus more on you guys as it's hard to tell when I got one in the near future and I don't want to choose to neglect either one side..

If I could exchange my life for anything,
All I ask is another nine months of memories with you guys..

Just so you know..

I wish I could be brave once more..
To tell myself to move on,
To reassure what I really want,
To tell you that I'm ready,
But everytime I try moving on,
My heart stops a beat,
Unsure of what it really want,
I end up waiting right at the same spot,
The very one which you left me,
With hopes the star will shine,
You darken the life of what used to shine..