Sorry..

I'm only able to say sorry,
that's all i'm capable of,
I'm sorry for falling,
even knowing you were never gonna catch me,
I'm sorry for trying to let my feelings to reach you,
even though i know you will never try feeling it,
I'm sorry for the annoying moment i gave you,
even though you were suppose to have a great life without me,
I'm sorry for telling you that i'm really in love with you,
Even though i know that you will never love me back,
I'm sorry that i could never forget you,
even though you never try remembering me,
I'm sorry for not trying to avoid you,
Even you have been avoiding me all this while,
I'm sorry that i always trying looking at you from far,
Even though you never try noticing me there at all,
I'm sorry for trying to be your friend thou my heart longed for your love,
Even knowing that i'm just one of your toy from the very beginning,
I'm sorry for trying to stay close to you,
Even though you were trying to push me away,
I'm sorry for loving you as long as i could remember,
Even though you always forget that I love you,
And
I'm sorry to tell you that,
Even if you ever love me,
I'm sorry that i had forget how to love you,
and I lost sight of you,
since you decide to change your sympathy into a love,
for me..
Now,
I'm just sorry that I never try to reach you,
even though i tried,
that's all i could ever say,
to you,
the girl whom i once loved,
and never be loved back,
I'M SORRY...

~Emo freak~

-Mat-

This Dream!!!

This was a dream,

A dream that i never dreamed of,

A dream that felt so real yet,

Yet unreal.

This dream,

A dream that fill my life,

a boost that made me take a step,

one at a time,

slowly,

I realize that.

I want this dream to be eternal,

Yet you try giving it a life,

A life which was given and taken away,

Just in the blink of an eye.

This dream,

Which lead to a broken heart,

Torn into fabricated pieces,

Thrown into burning flames,

Leaving nothing but pain.

This dream,

Has long gone,

Leaving memories,

Memories which scars my life,

A perfect life,

Which turn so imperfect,

This dream...

~Master piece~

-Mat-

What a heart can say...

Do you think I wanna be loaded with cash,

Even if i am loaded,

Whats the big deal about it,

I still ended up with being lonely,

Do you think i really wanna be nosy in all stuff,

its just that i wanna know more of you,

By doing that,

I always wish that i could build a firm wall of relationship with you,

Do you think that i wanna be so talkative,

Its just that everytime i try not to do it,

You tend to assume that i am being troubled by something,

You say i wasn't being mature due to the fact i was talkative,

yet when i try to be one through being quiet and serious,

you slapped me hard with your facts of i'm being emotionally down,

Everytime i am facing so many things,

Deep in my heart,

I always want you to be the first to know about it,

Yet I felt or perhaps saw a wall you firmly build to avoid me from doing so,

Though you may deny the fact by saying that i have others to share with,

But those that fact really ever exist,

I may not be perfect in many aspects,

but you just can't assume that whatever actions i did at school was the real me..

Its just the mask i been holding onto for a long time,

Yet you tend to ignore it,

Even though many people say that i am a cheerful person,

Sadly but the truth is,

I never was..

Deep inside me,

i was thinking why isn't someone there,

someone which can give me a feeling or perhaps a reason for why i am here standing,

Yet..

I dunno who i am..

Did you ever knew that most of the time,

you think that i made a lie or a joke,

actually i am telling you the truth,

I dunno when or how,

But now..

My heart felt so heavy,

with all this scramble feeling of mine,

it felt like a time bomb,

sonner or later,

its will just go of like that,

and i will just say,

This is not the life i dreamed of...

~heart talk~

-Mat-

Lie..

All this while,
you know me as well as i know you,
still there's something you didn't know about me,
i kept it hidden deep inside,
the core of my heart,
never ever wanting you to reach it,
yet now,
i'm taking this risk,
risking this friendship which,
i chose to let it blossom,
blossom into the flowers of our love,
this very secret is,
"I lied to you"
I lie not only once to you,
It's most of the second i'm with you,
Do you remember the first day our eye's met,
i lied that i never fall for you,
but i did fall right after i saw you,
Do you remember when we were so close together
I lie to you that you are just someone close to my heart,
the truth was you will always be in my heart,
Do you remember the day when i called you ugly,
I lie about it so that guys will never go for you,
as you were the beauty that dazzled my life,
And last but not least,
I lie that i never thought of you as my loved one,
cause deep inside my heart,
I wished and long for you,
As hardly as you can believe,
I lie to you that you were not my cup of tea,
as part of it was true,
cause from top to toe,
You are just a normal girl,
like others..
yet your heart,
that one and only heart,
made mine to beat rapidly,
as distance from your heart is getting shorter,
what mad me heart beat,
is always you whom made you and that will never change in my heart..

~Truth~

-Mat-

World

The world which was once a world i created,
inhabited by many kind's of life forms,
form's which exist in the reality,
yet in my world,
There's one life form,
One which i tried persuading,
Demanding it to join my world,
though efforts were made,
and hardship were conquer,
it refused to join,
now.. 
it rather stay outside,
alone,
glowing by itself,
like the sun that shines my world,
and the moon which enlighten the dark,
All left right here in my world,
Friends which lives as the nobles,
Enemies which lives as the citizens,
Emotions which lives as the wildlife,
acting on its instinct,
and me,
the creator of this very world,
seeking for it which roam outside of my world,
hiding within the universe,
lingers everywhere,
just trying hard to avoid the existence of my world,
this life form,
a form which is so great,
that anyone whom felt it's ray,
that shone down to the living forms of my world,
fall and never want to stop from getting this endless feeling,
this very form..
Love..

~Emo~
-Mat-

Forgotten - part 3

"If you had forgotten about me, what's the point trying to remember again"
"you had your chance once"
"still you decide to ask for another chance"
"so should i give a chance once more to you whom turn stranger to me once again"
"so that you can let my heart bleed just for you"
upon hearing her thoughts,
all i could do was smile and i just said,
"I want to remember you in my mind, but my heart already yours to be"
"You might had given me chances in the past, and i may taken it for granted"
"but could you just grant me this last chance to treasure you once more"
"If i'm a stranger to you.. then give it to my heart.."
"it has longed for you ever since my eyes grasp a glimpse of your beauty"
"If you are afraid to bleed, then why are you trying to make mine bleed??"
thats all i could had ever say to her,
She just ran out with tears started falling once more,
leaving me lying on the bed,
without even noticing tear started forming on my eyes as she ran away..
the sun leave as the moon rise,
everything was so pitched black,
did the moon stop glowing,
or did it not glow for only me..
just suddenly,
the door knob,
a twitching sound came from it,
someone's coming??
it's already passed the visiting hours,
it couldn't be the nurse,
who could it be??
my heart was pumping rapidly for no reason,
deep in my thought,
I hope that it was her,
the dark just seems to fade,
as the door was widely opened,
i saw a figure,
it resemble her so much,
yet is it her..
sound of steps started echoing around the room,
she was moving towards me,
in darkness,
i just lost track of her,
where she had gone,
she has disappeared??
just closing my eyes for seconds,
and when i opened my eyes,
droplets of tears started dripping on my face,
her face was so close to mine,
i could see her clearly,
her eye's were so red,
it's seems she had been crying,
suddenly...


~lazy to write.. continue at part 4~
-Mat-